Can I find love after my bitter, seven-year break-up?

Well, now I can’t suggest those usual (sensible, it must be said) advice columnist solutions, because you’ve already knocked them down!

And with good reason. These are strange times and likely to become worse, so how can anybody go out and meet people?

You’ve tried internet dating and found it disappointing. So I will be honest and confess I have no easy solution to your need for love and companionship. Why then pick this letter?

Because, to be honest, you sound (in an email twice as long) almost desperate, and I believe that mindset should ideally change before you have any chance of finding contentment, romantic or otherwise.

look at what you have been through. An unhappy marriage led to seven years of conflict through the courts — and then you were faced with the additional stress of Covid, home- schooling and so on. It’s been a grim year, and may yet become grimmer.

Meanwhile, you have a daughter of 12 who must require a lot of attention, even though the good news is that she gets on well with her father. What I am emphasising here is just how much you have to recover from and to deal with.

Are you actually ready for romantic turmoil? And isn’t ‘ true partnership’ rather a different thing from romance?

It is absolutely understandable that you long for love, but I am

gently suggesting that (given the toll on your emotions over the last seven years) it might be just too soon.

Try to live in the present without struggling against it. Yes, I know that is a hard task, but I believe it essential for you to rediscover equilibrium after all the stress, and to find out more about the identity of that ‘strong woman’ you mention.

You need to centre yourself and realise that there are exciting stages ahead. As your daughter becomes older, she will need you less and you can become more independent. In the meantime, you can continue to thrive at work — and look forward to the next stage in your professional life, too, when you (hopefully) earn more.

In the meantime, why not revisit the companionship of the two guys you met online? Not as lovers, but as friends?

You clearly expected a great deal from them, but if you pause, take stock and re-evaluate, you might find (since you told me you ended the relationships ‘ amicably’) something remains.

I don’t necessarily think you should give up internet contact, just don’t expect to find a soul-mate.

Perhaps if you could school yourself to step back from your neediness, you will be able to grow within your own strength.