Crumbs! Bake Off has swapped its joyful japes for biting barbs
This is where things start to get serious. Less fun. Nastier, even. We’re six weeks into The Great British Bake Off (C4) and the bread knives are out.
‘it’s cruel to say that’s unedible, but it’s getting that way,’ growled Paul hollywood, mangling the English language and a competitor’s hopes in the same breath, as he chomped on an avocado sponge. ‘The cake was awful,’ Prue Leith agreed. so much for Bake Off as a haven of gentle pleasures. The judges were merciless. This week’s theme was Japanese baking, inspired by Paul’s recent Tokyo travelogue on Channel 4. (Did you miss it? Lucky you.)
The showstoppers were supposed to look cutesy and saccharine, like Japanese cartoons or video games. But the mood in the marquee was less super Mario, more seven samurai.
Laura Adlington, who came last in the technical round making a ‘crepe cake’ of pancakes layered with strawberries and cream, was disgusted the recipe contained matcha (powdered green tea). ‘You might as well eat grass,’ she snorted. ‘i don’t fancy eating a swamp.’
Lottie Bedlow was also furious, after Paul complained that the meat in her steamed bun burger was dry. she had purposely left out the spoonful of moist relish, after he hinted he didn’t much enjoy the taste of gherkin.
Perhaps, she fumed, if he’d eaten what she intended to serve in the first place, he might have liked it better — ‘But i was too scared to say that to his face.’
This always happens in elimination contests such as Bake Off and strictly. For the first few weeks, everything is light-hearted. People say: ‘it’s taking part that matters. i’m just happy to be here.’
And in the final rounds, when all is love and tears, we’re swept along on a wave of emotion.
But in these middle weeks, the criticisms draw blood. Raw competitive spirit shows through. Nobody can hide any longer how much they want to win, and the judges must be ruthless.
Chubby- cheeked Mark Lutton was plainly wondering where the bonhomie had gone.
he kept trying to share little jokes with Lottie and laughing nervously. she shot back steely looks like a girl in a nightclub who was fed up with being pestered to dance.
All this left presenters Noel Fielding and Matt Lucas at a loose end. Matt shouted out announcements with a flowerpot balanced on his bald head, while Noel tried to goad the bakers into tossing their crepes like it was Pancake Day. But no one had time for their japes.
The cattle on Kate humble’s little Welsh idyll, in Escape To The Farm (C5), weren’t impressed with her cheery chatter either. Usually placid, the cows were ready to calf and in no mood to play with jolly TV presenters.
Kate slung an arm over one heavily pregnant animal’s neck and started talking about the importance of breeding these hereford-Friesian crosses for their beef. The cow took umbrage, either at being treated as half a ton of burgers on the hoof or at the lack of consideration for her condition.
she barged into Kate, stomped on her foot and waddled off.
Kate finished the segment with her weight on the other foot. You have to admire her professional determination to keep filming, but she was fortunate not to have been hurt more badly.
Bad-tempered livestock aside, her life in the Welsh Marches does look heavenly. And her recipe for custard slices sweetened with wild pineapple weed looked a lot tastier than those Japanese matcha crepes.
Never mind Bake Off, the farm’s the place for proper escapism.