Ephraim Hardcastle
Prince Philip, still stoically resisting any national fuss for his centenary, has, i can disclose, agreed to attend a family thanksgiving service at Windsor’s St George’s chapel in June. But it will only go ahead if covid restrictions are lifted in time. The chapel is currently closed. The curmudgeonly royal won’t be too agitated if it does fall victim to the pandemic. He doesn’t like birthdays. At a Buckingham Palace garden party coinciding with his 95th, he declined a birthday gift from a well-wisher grumbling that he didn’t want to ‘lug it round the garden’.
PAISLEY-born Andrew Neil berates fellow Scot Nicola Sturgeon for refusing to acknowledge the British Army’s contribution to Covid operations north of the border: ‘It would be nice if she could utter the words, “Thank you, British Army,”’ adding: ‘She could not bring herself to utter the words British Armed Forces in her thanks. She hides behind “our”.’
DOCTOR Who’s captain Jack, actor John Barrowman, has no objection to Jodie Whittaker’s successor being homosexual. ‘Of course the Doctor could be gay,’ he says. ‘The Doctor could be bisexual, the Doctor could be fluid, whatever, it doesn’t matter. The Doctor is an alien that can try anything and everything.’ Tardis jump leads at the ready!
US vice president elect Kamala Harris, pictured, recalls that after falling out of her stroller as a toddler at a civil rights march in California, her mother initially didn’t miss her. ‘ When she found me, she asked: “Baby, what do you want? What do you need?” And I just looked at her and I said, “Fweedom”.’ Might a Farley’s Rusk have sufficed?
POTTERIES Labour MP Gareth Snell shares his insight into the chaotic scenes unfolding in Washington: ‘interesting fact: the tiles on the floor of the Senate and House of representatives were made in Stoke-on-Trent.’ charles Pooter lives!
DESPITE Donald Trump honouring Winston Churchill with an Oval Office bust, his grandson Nicholas furiously tweets: ‘So what does that weasel Nigel Farage think now of the behaviour of his appalling disgusting friend, Donald Trump? His kind of person.’
WHILE enjoying little chemistry with considerably younger Bond girl Tanya roberts – who has died aged 65 – Sir roger Moore saved most of his animosity for their 1985 A View To A Kill co-star Grace Jones. ‘i did all my own stunts,’ recalled roger. ‘Apart from the one of getting into bed with Grace Jones.’
ASPIRING Labour MP Eddie Izzard tells ITV’s Lorraine Kelly that he is determined to get elected, saying: ‘You know me, I’m a relentless so-and-so, and will keep going until I get into Parliament as an MP.’ Now asking to be referred to as ‘she’ and ‘her’, would Eddie expect to be addressed by the Speaker as the ‘honourable lady’? Sign her up, Keir!