My shameless family flout Covid rules

DEAR BEL,

I’M BEGINNING to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I know of six members of my extended family, including two of my own children (all responsible professional people) who have flouted lockdown rules in the past two weeks, while I’ve rigidly stuck to the rules and stayed home.

It has left me angry and ashamed of them all, as their actions are blatant and they informed me so casually. Being 74, I had great times in the 1960s and 1970s, but my misdemeanours were my responsibility, never intended to hurt anyone else.

I now doubt my own integrity and sense of right and wrong. Am I old-fashioned? Am I too rigid in my principles? Am I envious of the rebel in them?

I wouldn’t snitch, but I’m feeling the odd man out and, for obvious reasons, don’t feel I can talk to my friends about it. I don’t want to become a ‘bitter old woman’ — but at the moment I could! CHRISSIE

Though I have no wish to return to this thorny topic, I feel I must since so many people have written with strong views and anxiety. Your problem is not only current, but now likely to become more pressing in this new total lockdown.

It returns us to the issue raised by ‘ David’ (December 19) who was similarly ‘ angry and ashamed’ of his hitherto beloved family.

My reply attempted to see both sides of the question but was met with displeasure from some readers, who believed David was right to be enraged — full stop.

They seemed to think I should have reinforced his fury and called his family a bad lot, or something similar. But I refuse to be judge and jury.

My sole concern was not whether he was right or wrong, but with the effects of his anger on future family harmony. Shame and fury always damage — which is why I counselled forgiveness, as well as giving his wife a good Christmas. I sincerely hope he took that advice.

I can only offer you similar counsel, Chrissie. You are neither old-fashioned nor rigid, nor should you question your own understanding of right and wrong.

We are the same age and might even have met during those wild, carefree times!

But harm can be done without knowing the consequences — then and now — so you and I might have thought behaviour ‘ harmless’ which was actually not.

And those who are more casual about lockdown measures must feel that way because they question their efficacy.

Younger people tend to feel immortal. others obey rules to the letter because they believe it is the right thing.

Nothing can be done to erase that polarity. The country has to live with it — without verbal warfare.

What matters now is that you avoid the spiritual disease you wisely identified — i.e. bitterness.

You can be critical of others without saying angry things you will regret. Now you have no choice but to self-isolate and the family will have to keep away until you have had the vaccine and/or the rules change.

I wouldn’t even talk on the phone about the lockdown regulations. These are very depressing times and, like you, I’m being as careful as possible, but it’s almost more important not to succumb to depression.

I’m trying hard on that front — and, I must say, I found your self- questioning honesty refreshing.

Let’s hope we can both be vaccinated soon and feel a tad more secure.