Be kind and say: I am glad for you

OH DEAR, whatever you say these days, someone will take offence and complain.

Last week I confessed to once being a TV snob, but now ‘look forward to snuggling on the sofa with three little dogs and a husband and watching something that helps me forget Covid and whatever else is bothering me.’ Since many people worry about watching too much TV in lockdown, this light-hearted column said: ‘It’s fine, so relax!’

But one furious reader accused me of ‘insensitivity’ and snapped: ‘ Your attitude smacks of “I’m all right Jack”!’

Mrs S accused me of not considering those who are bereaved or otherwise deprived of families.

She stuck the knife in with: ‘Please think of other people who are going through an even worse time than yourself.’ Well, I do try. But although that snipe made me sad, it was mainly for the writer of the email. She misses her late husband and the family she is separated from by lockdown, plus she has another terrible problem — so had to get angry with me. Which is fine. But her email reminded me how vital it is to allow others their happiness.

I suppose it’s natural to feel some jealousy when someone has what you long for: beauty, youth, talent, riches, quiet contentment or whatever.

But imagine if you weren’t allowed to mention joy in a new baby, in case it upset the infertile. Or how much you love walking, in case it peeves the disabled. Or your delight in a wedding, in case it makes divorcees feel bad about themselves. You couldn’t say anything cheerful in case it showed callousness towards the sad.

So please don’t be angry at my good news because you’ve had bad news. Don’t sneer at happy families, because sadly your experience hasn’t been like that. Don’t pour scorn on love letters, just because you never had one.

One of the most beautiful phrases in our language is: ‘I am so glad for you.’

Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.