Is sex really so important later in life?
As Relate adverts celebrate the joys of mature intimacy...
HOW extraordinary in our ‘ open’ society that we can’t countenance people might still enjoy sex as they age — so hurrah for the Relate ads. Women don’t stop having orgasms when they get a pension, and yet, later-life sex remains taboo. Something most people find embarrassing, and are reluctant to acknowledge, let alone discuss in company.
As a stroppy teenager in the 1950s, I was no different. I didn’t want to even consider that my parents might have sexual needs. Mum and Dad would have been in their mid- to late-40s, but seemed ancient.
Now I’m 74, I can see how insulting and ignorant my views were.
Of course older people crave sex and human touch. It doesn’t just stop when the wrinkles arrive.
The important lesson I have learned is that when the urge to be intimate dies, your relationship is heading for the rocks.
Sex and intimacy are essential to sustain a long-term partnership. It doesn’t have to be full penetrative sex, but any kind of sexual activity is a bit of a workout and afterwards you feel so much happier.
All too often, sexual intimacy fizzles out for older couples as men feel insecure with the ageing process. Yes, they get bellies and wonky knees and nose hair. And women often feel exhausted, and can prefer to read a book or use a vibrator.
Remaining close to your partner has to involve physical intimacy and letting go of your own ego for a while. Older people can be self-obsessed, which is why sex is so important as it breaks that destructive cycle.
On television, we see people having sex, moaning a lot and being very energetic. From Kate Winslet’s Mare Of easttown to Bridgerton, most successful dramas offer plenty of bonking. All this promotes the false (and damaging) notion that sex is dramatic and exciting.
Sex is a way of connecting and appreciating your partner.
It doesn’t have to amount to much — we’re not going for Academy Awards or Baftas here — but it does have to happen regularly.
Because if you let that little spark die, you might as well be living alone. And loneliness is the biggest killer. Giving up on sex is giving up on life.
Let the spark die at your peril