Promises, promises

IMAgIne in December 2019 that a political party leader said: ‘Vote for me and next year I will suddenly render all your expensive diesel and petrol cars pretty well worthless by banning them earlier than was agreed.

‘In the process, I’ll kill the multibillion-pound British touring caravan industry and stop your holidays because these new electric cars can’t pull caravans.

‘I’ll suddenly demand that everyone with gas central heating rips out their modern fuel- efficient boilers and replaces them with hugely expensive but inefficient heat pumps — and if you don’t, I’ll ban you from selling your property until you do. no, I haven’t thought out a coherent energy policy, don’t be silly.

‘I promise I won’t reduce the size of the Armed Forces — but, actually, I will. At the same time, I’ll insult our monarch by scrapping the Royal Flight to save a couple of quid. however, if she asks nicely, I might let her use my plane.

‘I promise the first thing I’ll do when in office is sort out the issue of long-term care for the elderly — but I won’t really, because it’s too difficult and costly, and people won’t like me if it costs them money.

‘I’ll sort out a Brexit deal that suits the UK — but actually, I’ll be so desperate that I’ll sign up to a deal that isolates northern Ireland.

‘Oh, and this Chinese flu thing we’re hearing about might just cause some problems — but don’t worry because I’ll deal with it by removing all the rights and freedoms you’ve been used to, and you might never get them all back.

‘While I’m doing all this, I’ll move my fiancee into Downing Street, where she can run the Party although she hasn’t been elected, and I’ll redecorate the flat there at great expense. But don’t worry, I’ll hide the bill.

‘You might hear other stories about how I behave around American businesswomen. But don’t worry, that’s just me.’

Well, would you have voted for him?

W. J. WATSoN, Peterborough.