The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Duncan James

DunCan JameS, 43, rose to fame in boy band blue. more recently he’s starred in the musicals Chicago, Legally blonde and the rocky Horror Show. He lives in London and has a daughter, tianie-Finn, 16, with his ex-girlfriend Claire Grainger.

EMBRACE YOUR TRUE SEXUALITY

At the age of 43, I’ve talked about being in love with a beautiful man for the first time. When I was in a boy band, I suppressed my sexuality because I had a predominantly female fanbase and I wasn’t comfortable with who I was.

You have a role to play when you’re working for a big record label which has invested a lot of money in you. I was almost portraying a caricature of myself, and I lived in fear of being ‘outed’. thank God we live in a different society now.

It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I felt comfortable enough to come out as gay. I wasn’t sure how I’d be treated by people. But now I realise it was all in my head. All my female fans were supportive and said: ‘We just love you for you.’

Feeling secure in my own skin means I’m happy doing musical theatre and strutting around on stage in drag. ten years ago I would have been horrified by the idea. But now I embrace it. Playing Frank-N-Furter in the Rocky horror Show was probably the highlight of my career. Now I’m doing Cabaret All Stars in a show in London, dressed in suspenders and heels, and it’s fabulous.

I was raised by a single mother. I don’t have brothers or sisters so I felt pressure to marry a woman and give my mum grandchildren. But it didn’t work out that way, although I adore my daughter. You can’t choose your sexuality.

I wasn’t sure how my mum would react when I came out. I was a quivering, crying mess, but she put her arm around me and said: ‘I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer. I love you and it doesn’t matter what sexuality you are.’

During lockdown I lived with my mum. We’re incredibly close and I didn’t want her to be on her own. My boyfriend Rodrigo lives in Belgium, but he spent Christmas with us. he’s met my daughter and they really get on.

If I could go back in time and do Blue again, I wouldn’t want to hide who I am. It’s a shame I missed out on years of being honest. But now I’m proud that I feel confident enough to wave that flag. n Cabaret all Stars featuring Duncan James is at London’s Proud embankment (proudcabaret.com)