Ephraim Hardcastle
JUST in time for Royal Ascot a previously suppressed book is offered for sale describing how the Queen’s late trainer, Major Dick Hern, enjoyed the company of a one-eyed prostitute in an Algerian brothel in 1943. He was accompanied by future trainer Michael Pope, both officers in The North Irish Horse. Their bordello experience was chronicled in More Fun And Frolic, written by Pope in the mid-90s. It was pulped on the insistence of Hern’s wife Sheilah, who declared: ‘What would our staff think?’ Pope’s wife Kay was furious and persuaded publisher Sir Rupert Mackeson to hide some copies. Explains Rupert: ‘Kay said, “When we are all dead, sell them and see that the truth comes out”. He is offering ten copies at £95 each.
BORIS, having rediscovered his affection for Rome – he married in a Catholic Cathedral and had his son Wilf baptized into the faith – declined to attend Sunday mass with Joe Biden at the Church of the Sacred Heart in St Ives. Sunday mass attendance is an obligation for Catholics. Boris went for an early morning swim instead. At least he didn’t try walking on water.
FORMER trade minister Lord Jones highlights the hypocrisy of the Rhodes statue boycott by tutors refusing to teach Oriel College students. He tweets: ‘Memo to Kate Tunstall, interim provost of Worcester College Oxford, who is leading the boycott. Worcester took a huge donation from the Sultan of Perak in 2018. Homosexuality is illegal in Perak.’
AFTER the 2015 death of Jackie Collins, pictured, Joan Collins received a bizarre and reassuring visitation from her beloved sister. In a new documentary, Lady Boss, she says: ‘ Shortly after Jackie died... there was this little tiny fruit fly that was always in front of me. It would go to the Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hills Hotel and I would go to the south of France and it would be there. I said, “Well, this is Jackie coming to say that she is still there”.’ Deep waters.
ATTRACTED by his British accent, US couples are clamouring to have Bernard Cornwell officiate at their weddings. The creator of Sharpe is now the Reverend Bernard, a minister in a ‘recognised denomination’. ‘This unlikely transformation was achieved’, he explains, ‘by ten minutes on the internet, culminating in a solemn moment when I clicked a button labelled “Ordain Me Now”.’
CHARMINGLY daft comic Jenny Eclair enthuses about her first London bus trip using her free over-60s pass. ‘When we sailed over the brow of a hill... my eyes inexplicably filled with tears. This, I decided, must be how it felt to have taken a seat on Concorde.’ Deep breaths, darling.
NEWLY honoured Engelbert Humperdinck MBE, still behind Sir Tom Jones in the gong stakes, consoles himself by recalling how Prince Philip attended one of his charity singsongs: ‘He sang the songs all the way through. He knew every word.’ Alas, post mortem royal patents are never issued, Humpy.