Losing my marbles in the lost property

I work in a very strange place. It’s an odd place to preside. I’ve got lots of paraphernalia That’s come in here to hide. I’ve lots of keys for homes

and cars, The owners know they’re

somewhere And tear their hair out

in frustration ’Cos they know that they are

out there. And over in that corner There stands a great big box. I suppose you know what’s

in it — You’ve guessed it — gloves

and socks. Another thing that

causes grief To the searching masses, And I know they’ll never

find them

WordyWise

LACKSAW — don’t own cutting tool. HACKLAW — forbids breaking into websites. SACKSAW — to cut hessian bags. HOCKSAW — to cut bacon joints. HANKSAW — carpentry tool belonging to henry.

Dave Cullen, Leeds.

Outofthe mouthsofbabes

WhEn my grandson asked why dunluce Castle in Co. antrim is in ruins, I said it had become old and just crumbled away. ‘You’ll be crumbling away soon, won’t you, nana?’ he said.

Mrs B. Reid, Coleraine, Co. Londonderry.

Joke

I had a weird dream in which I was wandering in a market in Cairo, assailed on all sides by hawkers. It was the most bazaar dream I’d had in years.

Richard Myers, London NW4. ’Cos they’re looking for

their glasses. I’ve walking sticks and

false teeth And lots of lost umbrellas, There’s pretty ones for ladies And black ones for the fellas.

One-line philosophers

soME like Earl Grey, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. S. Burn, Newcastle upon Tyne. IF ThE best things in life are free, then the best thing in life is freedom — bring on July 19! A. Dean, Keighley, W. Yorks.

There are cuddly toys and

dolls and trains That leave me feeling sad. I wish someone would

claim them Then I wouldn’t feel so bad. There are spoons and forks

and odds and ends That find their way in here, And sometimes things of value That someone once held dear. I don’t get many mobiles, They’re too precious to mislay, And for folks to live

without them Would fill them with dismay. We all of us just lose things, It happens now and then, And I’d like to write

another verse — But can’t find my blooming pen! Maureen Partridge,

Crewe, Cheshire.

Follow-up

MY CaR had a slow puncture. We intended to go to the garage, but there never seemed to be the time, so used the tyre pump to keep it inflated. Coming out of a dIY shop, we were surprised to notice two of the tyres were over-inflated, so my husband set about letting out some of the air. I suddenly noticed our similar looking car was parked a few bays away. My husband replaced the hub caps and we made a hasty retreat. We drove to the garage and had the puncture repaired.

Cilla Shiels, Warrington, Cheshire. on hoLIdaY in Betws-yCoed in snowdonia, I stopped in a car park and went to the machine to pay. When I walked back, I noticed the boot was wide open, so gave it a slam to close it. It wasn’t my car, but another red one of the same make. The two occupants got out covered in coffee! Luckily for me, they were good sports.

Mike Main, South Hykeham, Lincoln.