Here’s the sketch what they wrote!

THE show sticks to a Variety format, with appearances by singer Paul Anka and jazzman Kenny Ball — so the producers have an excuse to show rare clips from Eric and Ernie’s stage act, too. That brings back extraordinary memories for me. I saw them, with my parents, when I was no more than eight years old. There’s film of them walking out on stage, and it’s just as I remember it — Eric was taking bows, Ernie was dancing and bobbing like a boxer, and the cheering went on and on, until Eric leaned into the microphone and silenced the theatre with a single syllable. ‘Ah,’ he said. That’s all it took — hush descended. Everyone knew the next word he spoke would double us over. He held the pause, glanced at his watch, and then looked in alarm at Ernie. ‘Have we got time for any more?’ Then he turned and surveyed us. ‘Have we got a show for you tonight, folks! Have we got a show for you tonight!’ And then another sidelong, nervous look at Ernie. ‘Hey, have we got a show for them tonight?’ They were doing all the nonsense gags that music hall audiences loved. ‘We’ve got a chap coming on,’ announced Eric, ‘that can swallow’ — and here his voice rose to a shout — ‘a four foot sword!’ ‘What’s clever about that?’ asked Ernie. ‘He’s only three foot tall!’ And with that, Eric leant back in the stance of a midget sword-swallower who has pinned his own foot to the floor. All the catchphrases came out, and each one earned a cheer: ‘Now there’s a novelty! There’s no answer to that, is there?’ And with a cough, ‘Arsenal!’ And, of course, the moment came when Eric grabbed Ernie’s fringe, lifted it and declared, ‘You can’t see the join. That is one of the best you’ve ever had, that. Arrived this morning all the way from Axminster.’