Ephraim Hardcastle
PRINCESS Eugenie’s husband Jack Brooksbank’s absence from son August’s babysitting duties doesn’t mean the bambino is lacking attention. Granny Sarah Ferguson has stepped into the breach. ‘I love spending time with August,’ says the duchess. ‘He seems to love my energy and seeing me dress up in headbands and hats. And when I make helicopter noises...’ At six months, August won’t require the services of Esther Rantzen’s Childline but keep the noise down Sarah.
CARRIE’S baby news prompted Boris’s exmistress Petronella Wyatt to offer lukewarm congratulations, adding: ‘If I were a man pushing 60, I would not be having more children. I had an older father and lost him when I was far too young.’ Her dad, Tote boss Woodrow Wyatt, entered the celestial Turf Club in 1997 aged 79 when Petsy was a mere adolescent aged 29.
QUESTION Time’s Fiona Bruce, pictured, regrets not silencing Game of Thrones actor John RhysDavies when he shouted ‘Oh woman!’ at Green Party MP Caroline Lucas. ‘I was annoyed,’ says an unrepentant RhysDavies. ‘It’s impossible to gather your thoughts when you’ve got someone making faces and twittering. She’d just interviewed Greta Thunberg. It was like she’d met baby Jesus.’ What are the odds on this Brian Blessed soundalike being invited back?
THIS Way Up star Indira Varma clears her throat to mimic Home Secretary Priti Patel in the forthcoming series of Spitting Image. ‘She doesn’t say her Gs and has that sibilant S going on, and a nasal sound that grates a little,’ says Indira. So having escaped Lord Digby, Priti is goin’ to get a maulin’ from Indira.
EDDIE ‘the Eagle’ Edwards, famed for coming last in ski jumping at the 1988 Calgary Olympics, is in contention for gold at tomorrow’s Inspired Olympics at Great Alne Park, a Warwickshire retirement village. He is the bookie’s favourite in the seated rhythmic gymnastics and powerlifting using broomsticks events. ‘I can’t wait to get stuck in,’ he says.
TIM Jeal, biographer of Henry ‘Dr Livingstone, I presume?’ Stanley, debunked demands for the removal of his statue in Denbigh insisting he wasn’t responsible for native atrocities, and disputes the claim of fellow explorer Sir Richard Burton that Stanley shot Africans as willingly as he did animals. Jeal says Burton detested Stanley because he proved he hadn’t found the source of the Nile. Rum lot those Victorian adventurers.
WHEN Jackie Mason persisted in joking about the 30-year age gap between Frank Sinatra and new bride Mia Farrow – he claimed the singer was asked to leave a bar when Mia’s rattle made too much noise – Mafia mobsters broke his nose. ‘Frank didn’t know about it until it was done,’ said Sinatra’s road manager Tony Oppedisano. ‘Frank never wanted the mob to do anything violent on his behalf.’ The jury will retire and consider its verdict of guilty.