Don’t use my name as a term of abuse
I AM Karen. I am 50, white, middle class — and apparently a joke. Where did the sense of entitlement to denigrate my perceived identity come from? The BBC is even planning a social experiment TV series featuring women who share my name. I am a hard-working, tax-paying, university educated, free-thinking, independent-minded, bleached blonde. A loving daughter, wife, mother and friend. I am a fully paid-up member of the silent majority who keep calm and carry on. I vote, follow the rules, volunteer to help others, give more than I take. I try to see things from other perspectives, despite feeling that my view can be overlooked. When it comes to the likes of home schooling and getting involved with the PTA, I often feel my contribution is taken for granted. I speak up when I think greater clarity is required or feel there has been an injustice. I believe in being reasonable and tolerant. I will stand my ground when there is a misunderstanding or conflict, but I will listen to the views of others and strive to have greater understanding. I am happy to be challenged about my pre-conceptions because I know I have blind spots. But I will not always say what I am really feeling. Despite trying to be kind, my less popular views are not welcomed. My experience, however grounded and substantial, risks being discounted. When I express myself, you look the other way. Maybe what I am saying is too hard to hear? I can feel angry about this and I might even express it. But I don’t feel entitled to silence you. I realise strong reactions can provoke social and emotional deafness in some people and they may over-compensate with mockery, but it’s not funny. It’s time to listen to our own reactions before we point a finger at others. Don’t get me wrong: I know some middle-class women are smug, privileged and think they are entitled to dismiss others. But to give that group my name, Karen, means the joke is on all of us if such behaviours, which are the real issue, continue to go unacknowledged and unchallenged.