AND FINALLY A change of direction can be good
SOMETIMES words resonate for days. It happened when I read a piece in last week’s indispensable Weekend Magazine. One of the judges of the magazine’s wildlife photography competition is the BBC Countryfile reporter Steve Brown. Many of you will have admired his combined presenting and wheelchair skills.
When Steve was 23 he fell from a balcony and dislocated a neck vertebra, crushing his spinal cord. Now 40 he’s a former member and captain of the Great Britain wheelchair rugby squad and, of course, an experienced, engaging TV personality who does much to raise awareness of disability. This is his comment that impressed me: ‘My life changed in a moment but it didn’t change for the worse. It just changed direction.’
That made my heart sing. When I was 17 my late brother (two years older) broke his back in a car accident. I’ll never forget those visits to spinal units, or the long years of stubborn, stoical suffering and striving. Such adversity can make an individual who seemed weak show extraordinary inner strength. Every day countless men and women struggle with disability (and chronic illness), showing the same fortitude and positivity as Steve Brown.
That’s why I regret the easy use of the word ‘brave’ to describe people who’ve suffered a deeply upsetting human experience (like a single miscarriage, for example — and I have had one, as well as a stillborn son) and are then excessively praised and pitied. Sympathy is essential but must we treat every sorrow as a trauma?
It disturbs me that ‘stigma’ and ‘taboo’ are dramatically invoked where there’s none. And that ‘courage’ is identified in public tears. And that hurt, pain, disappointment and sadness are routinely pathologised into ‘mental health issues’ instead of being viewed as harsh life setbacks.
Such painful lessons can actually leave you with as much wisdom as Steve Brown displayed in those uplifting words.
■ Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.