Celebrity school! catch-up class

Stumped by your child’s homework? Can’t tell your atoms from your ox-bow? You need some help from the Mail’s…

THE PERIODIC TABLE

A tABUlAr display of all the chemical elements. It goes in ascending order of ‘atomic numbers’ (the number of protons in an atom’s nucleus — centre): Hydrogen (H), Helium (He), lithium (li), Beryllium (Be), Boron (B), Carbon (C), nitrogen (n), Oxygen (O), Fluorine (F), neon (n) — and on and on.

PHOTOSYNTHESIS

tHe process whereby plants manufacture carbohydrates from carbon dioxide and water, using the energy from sunlight. Oxygen is released as a by-product of photosynthesis, keeping us all breathing.

OSMOSIS

tHe spontaneous movement of a solvent, such as water, across a semi permanent membrane from a more dilute solution to a more concentrated one. the process continues until the concentrations on each side are equal. It’s how water molecules make their way in and out of living organisms.

PHYSICS BASICS

WItH electricity, be careful not to trip up over the three basic units in voltage, current, and resistance. voltage is measured in volts, current is measured in amps and resistance is measured in ohms.

ENGLISH

Griff Rhys-Jones, author and comedian ‘spUD’ Baron was my absurdly dedicated english teacher. His tendency to squeeze out a tear while reciting shakespeare got a titter from the unwashed Upper Five.

But my goodness, he loved poetry — and wanted us to love it, too. these have stayed with me throughout my life.

COMPOSED UPON WESTMINSTER BRIDGE, William Wordsworth

I CAn’t cross the thames without recalling this sonnet from 1802, as the poet conjures a majestic vision of london ‘bright and glittering the smokeless air’: so vivid you can imagine being there, too, gazing at the ‘ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples’. And that ending: ‘And all that mighty heart is lying still!’ Yes, it’s far from Wordsworth’s usual lakes, trees and daffodils, but somehow it’s still ‘nature’.

THE SECOND COMING, William Butler Yeats

A strAnge and haunting work, written in the aftermath of World War I and describing Christ’s return to earth out of a period of chaos and turmoil: ‘things fall apart; the centre cannot hold / Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.’ Once read, the Irishman’s poems seem to stick.

ODE TO A NIGHTINGALE, John Keats

AlOng with his odes to Autumn and a ‘grecian Urn’, this shows why Keats’s smooth, superpowered verse is the double cream of poetry. In 1819, a nightingale had built a nest near the poet’s house in Hampstead, now part of london but then semi-rural, and Keats (who died from tB aged just 25) listened to the bird’s song and composed this eternal lyric under a plum tree. eventually, the nightingale flies away, and the young man asks himself: ‘Was it a vision, or a waking dream? / Fled is that music: — Do I wake or sleep?’

SONNET 18, William Shakespeare

‘sHAll I compare thee to a summer’s day?’ shakespeare asks his young male friend. no, the poet goes on: ‘thou art more lovely.’ And, anyway, sometimes a summer’s day is too hot, or too windy, or the sun is hidden by cloud. But, says shakespeare: ‘Thy eternal summer shall not fade.’ Why? Because this poem has immortalised the young man’s beauty: ‘so long as men can breathe or eyes can see, / so long lives this, and this gives life to thee.’ shakespeare manages to be argumentative, chatty and moving at the same time: an incredible achievement.

GRAMMAR

Gyles Brandreth, broadcaster and author GRAMMAR adapts to the changes in our language, so I prefer to talk of the ‘language’ of grammar rather than of its ‘rules’. Here are some basic principles.

■ A SENTENCE usually features a verb. the verb is the action or ‘doing’ word. the person or thing doing the action is the subject of the sentence. the subject is either a noun or a pronoun. If the action is being done to someone or something, that is the object of the sentence and is also a noun or a pronoun. so, as an old-fashioned teacher might say: ‘the boy kicks the ball’. ‘Boy’: subject; ‘kicks’: verb; ‘ball’: object.

■ AN ADJECTIVE describes a noun, giving extra information about it: ‘a red ball’. An adverb, often ending in ‘-ly’, does the same for an adjective, verb or other adverb: ‘the boy kicked the ball fiercely.’

■ A COMMON noun refers to people, places and things in general: house, wizard, mountain.

■ A PROPER noun identifies a particular person, place, or thing: london, David Attenborough, stonehenge.

■ FULL stops end sentences and mark pauses. A semi-colon marks a break stronger than a comma, best used between two main clauses: ‘she went upstairs; it was freezing in the attic.’