My darling clementine

WANTING to indulge in a taste of Christmas, I searched my local supermarket in vain for satsumas, clementines or even a tangerine.

The manager kindly informed me they are only selling ‘easy peelers’ for Christmas.

So the satsuma in the toe of my childhood Christmas stocking is no more. I hope my grandchildren will have fun delving inside their stockings for an easy peeler!

PAUL CANE, Halesowen, W. Mids. SURELY you would need to be half-cut to buy half a Christmas tree (Mail).

Parasol trees look like something that a bloke who had spent too much time in the pub on Christmas Eve would bring home.

He would get into a lot of trouble while pleading: ‘It was the only one they had left.’

Half a tree might be better than some of the monstrosities my friends have hauled home only to be told: ‘We live in a house, not a cathedral.’

ERIC CRAGGS, Shildon, Co. Durham. HO ho ho! Father Christmas now knows what to give Boris for Christmas: oink oink oink!

PIERS MINALL, Leverington, Cambs.