Is Madge looking for her marbles?

IF WE all agree not to be shocked by Madonna’s shock tactics, surely that will give her a shock she won’t forget?

The 63-year-old’s latest lunatic bid for infamy has been to pose topless. Cultural commentators have yet to decide if this is worse than last month’s confected outrage, where she recreated Marilyn Monroe’s deathbed scene. What next? I’m hoping she might recreate the Veruca Salt death scene from Willy Wonka, where squirrels chuck her into the nut chute, which is surely where she belongs. Of more interest to Madonna watchers are the peculiar shots of her wearing nothing but a pair of fishnet tights with her head under the bed and a cup of granny tea on the bedside table. What is she trying to say? And what the hell is she looking for under there? Anneka Rice thinks it is her phone charger, but I am not sure. Here are some other suggestions. Madonna is looking for…

A. Her pants.

B. Her latest terrified young lover.

C. The dignity she lost back in 2015.

D. The tattered remnants of a film career.

E. Her marbles.

F. A pension scheme.

G. Her fall detection alarm.

H. Her credibility.

I. Pop sock or hair scrunchie.