DON’T BE RULED BY YOUR FEELINGS
EVEN though some of our feelings may be uncomfortable, all of our feelings are part of our emotional intelligence — their purpose is to let us know we need to pay attention to something.
When something makes us happy, it lets us know we feel good, so we seek more of it.
However, there are other feelings that are uncomfortable, but necessary in order to protect us and keep us in the natural balance of life.
Fear warns us something bad could happen, so pay attention and be prepared. Anger often motivates us to get away from a situation where one of our standards or boundaries has been violated.
Frustration is in the same family as anger. It arises when we’re not achieving the level of results that we believe we should. The message is usually to get us to re-evaluate and motivate us to achieve the goal.
Sadness is the result of feeling that something is missing from our lives, either because we’ve lost it or we’ve lost touch with it. The underlying message is both to appreciate what we’ve lost and to be grateful for what we still have.
However useful these feelings can be, we don’t want to be ruled by them. The following technique is inspired from the work of my friend, the Zen master Genpo Roshi.
THE APEX TECHNIQUE
PLACE your hands out in front of you with your palms turned up.
Next, let yourself focus on the feeling that is bothering you, whatever it is. It could be a fear, anger, or something else. As you notice it, ask if there is anything that feeling would wish to say to you. If there is, make a note of it — if there is not, that is fine, too.
Now imagine holding the feeling in your left hand, in front of you and get in touch with it. Then think of the opposite of that feeling — for example, peace, calm, comfort. Bring that opposite feeling to mind — peace, calm, comfort — and notice how it feels.
Next imagine placing that opposite, positive feeling in your right hand, in front of you. Now move your attention up to a few inches above your head and keeping your attention in that position experience both feelings at the same time.
Continue to feel the two emotions simultaneously with your attention above your head.
As you do that, your emotional system will re-calibrate so that you can experience that difficult emotion at a lower level as it re-integrates into your emotional intelligence.