It’s ageist to stop a grandma adopting a grandchild

AS YET, I don’t have grandchildren, so I can only imagine the grief I would feel if I found myself in a position where I might never see my granddaughter because her parents had been found to be incapable of caring for her. Although local authorities are supposed to consider family and friends as the first port of call before placing children in foster care or children’s homes, it is not, new figures show, uncommon for grandparents to be overlooked. Overall, only 15 per cent of lookedafter children in England are fostered by kinship carers.

In other countries, the figure is much higher — in New Zealand, it’s 62 per cent; the U.S. 31 per cent. So why is this country seemingly so reluctant to see a grandparent — who, after all, shares the child’s genetic make-up — as a suitable substitute parent?

We’ve seen in recent months how much a grandparent will watch over and care for a child. In the cases of Arthur Labinjo-Hughes and Star Hobson, it was their grandparents and other close relatives who raised concerns of abuse before the two children were murdered. Why were their voices not heard?

I have no doubt that ageism is a factor. Do judges look on a grandmother in her 60s or 70s as someone who couldn’t possibly have the energy to endure the undoubted pressures of looking after a small child?

Maybe they think her pension won’t be enough to cover the costs. Maybe her house is small, run-down or doesn’t have a garden, whereas a paid foster carer may be seen as having a better lifestyle for raising a child.

One grandmother I read about, Marilyn, who fought a long battle for a judge to award legal guardianship of her grandchild to her and her husband, quoted some of the concerns from social workers.

They recorded worries about the fact that Marilyn was a vegetarian. They claimed she’d allowed the baby to play with the beads around her neck and said it was a possible choking hazard.

Social workers and judges must be made aware that no home is a perfect environment for a child.

Risks lie around every corner. We all do our best to make sure everything is as safe as possible, but there are no guarantees, whether it’s a parent, a grandparent or foster carer in charge.

I’m sure foster carers endeavour to make the children in their care as safe, comfortable and content as they possibly can, but one vital element is missing. Love.

Marilyn, now 70, said of her granddaughter: ‘I loved her from the word go — from the moment I saw the scan.’

She and her husband won their legal battle a decade ago and are now facing the teenage years. I doubt it’ll be easy, it rarely is, but love will make all the difference.

I have never looked after a child to which I hadn’t given birth, but I do know what it’s like to be cared for by one’s grandparents.

I spent the whole of my early teenage years living with my grandma and grandpa because my father worked abroad and my mother spent as much time with him as possible.

I could not have been happier. My grandma cooked like an angel and saw no point in being as strict as my mother was. Her only concerns were clean underwear, polished shoes, homework, health and cuddles. My grandparents loved me and showed it constantly, and I loved them.

It breaks my heart that thousands of children who need to be looked after with love are denied what I had because of misguided ideas about who’s fit to care.