Ephraim Hardcastle
HAVING relinquished his honorary military titles, beleaguered Prince Andrew must hope he can cling to his membership of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. In the gift of the Queen, the most senior order of chivalry was recently bestowed on Camilla and Tony Blair. Should the worst occur, Andrew’s fellow knights and heralds traditionally climb ladders to remove his banner and other regalia from above his seat in St George’s Chapel, Windsor. They are thrown to the ground, kicked along the aisle to the door and booted down the stairs into a ditch. It hasn’t been done since 1716. Surely too much humiliation for HM’s favourite son?
MIGHT the Queen be consoled by Charles Moore’s solitary voice of support for Andrew’s legal twisting and turning to avoid giving evidence in court? ‘He is no good at public explanation,’ argues Moore in The Spectator. ‘How could he survive gruelling courtroom examination in a wholly hostile environment?’ His lordship adds: ‘If you know that your opponents are trying to lure you into an unwinnable situation, you must do everything possible to avoid it. It would be nice not to appear to be wriggling, of course, but wriggle he must.’ Order of Merit, anyone?
JACOB Rees-Mogg’s dismissal of Scottish Tory leader Douglas Ross as a ‘lightweight figure’ prompts Cardiff MP Kevin Brennan to ask if Moggy can name the leader of the Welsh Conservatives. ‘The Secretary of State for Wales is called Simon Hart,’ he replies. Critics were quick to point out the Tory leader in the Senedd is actually Andrew RT Davies. Who knew?
PRINCESS Olga Romanoff, 71, pictured, tells ITV documentary Keeping Up With the Aristocrats that her mother had delusions of her marrying Prince Charles, even nominating her as a potential bride before he wed Diana. Revealing that her ‘ideal man’ was the late Prince Philip, Olga, who charges £14 for visits to her home, 13th century Provender House, adds: ‘It would have been terrible for him – awful! He definitely had a lucky escape!’ Surely HRH would have been a welcome addition, manning the turnstiles at her mansion in Kent?
RONETTES star Ronnie Spector, who has died aged 78, loved the rugged look of Rolling Stone Keith Richards: ‘Keith used to say “Oh, we would have great babies because you have that black, thick hair and I have black, thick hair”.’ The former wife of Phil Spector, Ronnie maintained she and Keith never had sex, but mischievously added of the old hellraiser’s barnet: ‘Now his is not so black.’
LONG adept at sending up his career – not least his only UK No1 single, 2005’s You’re Beautiful – Old Harrovian pop star James Blunt now naughtily announces: ‘By popular demand, I have renamed my tour The Greatest Hit Tour and shall only be playing “that song” 20 times.’ Not so much a promise, Blunty, more of a threat.