Lonely spider Fred finds love on the web
Although his lifestyle isn’t bad Fred lives alone and gets
quite sad Some company is what
he needs Like people — with their dogs
on leads. ‘I’ll advertise,’ he thought
one day But wasn’t sure just what
to say. ‘I must be honest — cannot fib I’d like a wife — and then
a crib.’ He pinned a notice to the tree: ‘Please someone, come and
live with me. I get so lonely on my own — I haven’t even got a phone.’ The days went by, but no
one came. Poor old Fred, it was a shame. He’d taken so much time
and trouble And all he wanted was
a cuddle. If only he could find a wife He’d give her such a
lovely life, A super home he’d
promise her — A web of purest gossamer. And then one day, he
was surprised There came a knock:
‘Hooray,’ Fred cried. The postman stood there
with a letter, Fred brightened up and felt
much better. It said: ‘I’d like to meet
you, Fred, And if you like me we
could wed! I send herewith a photograph But please, don’t look at it
and laugh.’ ‘Laugh?’ said Fred. ‘I
really wouldn’t Be so unkind, I simply couldn’t I always try to do what’s right And never fail to be polite. I don’t care if you’re fat or thin Politely I would ask you in.’ (But then, you see, he
didn’t know What the photograph
would show!) An octopus with spectacles And neatly folded tentacles. Fred counted them: ‘Good
heavens, eight! Is this my destiny, my fate?’ ‘Please come and see me,
don’t be shy — I think we really ought to try To see if, close up, we
are lovable And both quite certain
we’re compatible.’ So many letters
were exchanged And then a meeting
was arranged. They both had very many fears Because it all could end in tears. And finally the big
day dawned. ‘Now, take it slow,’ his
conscience warned. ‘She may not be the sort
to hurry Don’t give her cause for
any worry.’ ‘I won’t, I won’t,’ thought
eager Fred. ‘Allow my heart to rule
my head.’ He took one look and knew
right then No need to advertise again! He thought her shape was
so sublime, She thought his legs were
quite divine, They stood and stared at
one another Both knew they’d found their life-long lover.
Maurice Selwyn, Buckhurst Hill, Essex.