Ephraim Hardcastle
WILL newly appointed Bishop of Bath and Wells, Michael Beasley, be making room for any Ukrainian refugees in his new home, a magnificent 13th-century palace? Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby’s Lambeth Palace and the palatial residences of most other Church of England bishops have yet to open their doors to any refugees from the conflict. Surely the new bishop’s Somerset residence, with its turrets, gables, flying buttresses, croquet lawn and moat patrolled by swans trained to ring a bell when they require food, would offer idyllic respite to victims of Putin’s war?
ANNOUNCING his 2025 Invictus Games in Canada, Harry declares his pleasure at working with the First Nations ‘in the spirit of truth and reconciliation with indigenous communities’. What was his reaction four days later when Charles, confirming his Canadian jaunt next month, declared plans for his own ‘solemn moment of reflection and prayer with indigenous leaders in the spirit of reconciliation’? Has dad been reading Harry’s emails?
THE Duchess of Cornwall began her new role as the National Theatre’s new royal patron by smashing plates on stage. Did Camilla, pictured, get some prior coaching from Charles? A new royal memoir notes that after a BBC Radio 4 poll voted Charles the fourth person listeners would most like to deport, he reportedly ‘smashed a plate on the floor in anger’ at a dinner party.
TINA Brown sheds unwelcome light on the home life of Andrew and his ex-wife, quoting an unnamed media executive whose lunch with the Duchess of York was interrupted by the Duke. ‘Andrew came in and sat down and said to me, “What are you doing with this fat cow?”’ Brown claims.
FORMER GQ editor Dylan Jones didn’t need the talent of Sherlock Holmes to deduce why his motoring correspondent, Boris Johnson, accumulated a mountain of parking fines but never a speeding ticket. ‘The mileage on cars delivered to Boris’s home for a test drive,’ concluded Jones, ‘was often the same when pickedup as when dropped off.’
RECALLING the Queen’s appearance in the James Bond skit with Daniel Craig at the 2012 Olympics, HM’s dresser Angela Kelly tells Good Housekeeping magazine: ‘I asked if she would like a speaking part. Without hesitation, Her Majesty replied, “Of course I must say something. After all, he is coming to rescue me”.’
WRITER Anthony Horowitz frets during his daily two-hour dog walk in Suffolk’s Rendlesham Forest about encountering aliens returning to the site after their alleged UFO landing there in 1980. He wonders in The Spectator what he would do if the door of an alien spaceship suddenly opened in the middle of the wood. ‘Would I dare to go wherever it might take me?’ he asks. Perhaps a respite from writing James Bond books might help, Tony.