Ephraim Hardcastle
WHERE might our head of state take refuge if Vladimir Putin, fearing defeat, goes nuclear? As I’ve mentioned, the fallout shelter under Windsor Castle was destroyed in the 1992 fire. However, I hear there is another one about a mile away – at Eton College. An old boy whispers: ‘It’s below Farrer House, which was built in the 1950s.’
WILL the Queen manage to attend the Royal Windsor Horse Show today? She hasn’t missed it since it was founded in 1943. ‘Even if it’s only to invite a few horsey guests to the castle for drinks,’ says a source.
CAMBRIDGE classicist Dame Mary Beard helpfully tweets: ‘Anyone listening to Michael Gove on Radio 4’s Today and wondering what a Procrustean bed is? It comes from the Greek myth of Procrustes, who tortured people to fit them into the same-sized bed. So it is about arbitrary one-size-fits-all solutions.’ Which describes multi-job Gove’s ministerial career.
OUR home-grown Hollywood star Minnie Driver, pictured, warns fame-chasing luvvies in an interview: ‘You only see the private jets and the clothes and the free stuff and the sort of amazing, glamorous “Kardashian” lifestyle. But I would add that there’s a massive payment in your soul.’ Indeed so. Caddish Matt Damon called time on their romance by announcing his ‘single’ status on Oprah Winfrey’s TV show.
ONCE a tour de force, now forced to tour, comedian John Cleese complains sarcastically about meagre bookings for his Canadian show: ‘Plenty of seats available at Saskatoon, because they only got TV last year.’ Saskatoon (population 273,010) in Saskatchewan has been described locally – possibly in jest – as ‘the Paris of the Prairies’.
ASKED about Piers Morgan’s TV interview with a Taliban spokesman, Ricky Gervais of The Office fame says: ‘I’ve lost all respect for them.’ Noting the resulting Twitter backlash, Morgan says: ‘Someone didn’t get the joke. Ask Ricky Gervais to explain it to you.’ The joke is (I am advised) that Gervais can’t stand either Piers or the Taliban.
GRAHAM Norton, who’ll present Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest TV coverage, says he usually asks to be flown home separately from UK crooners taking part. However, he told the UK entry, the ‘more grounded’ Sam Ryder, 32: ‘I don’t worry about you. I don’t mind being on the plane with you on Sunday.’
DOLLY Parton, 76, has been inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame after saying in March that she didn’t feel she had ‘earned the right’ to be recognised as a rock artist. She joins a diverse group of inductees including Lionel Richie, Carly Simon, Eurythmics and Duran Duran. Kate Bush was among those passed over this year.