How do I tell my eight year old about the Ukraine war?

Q MY EIGHT-year-old son is quite sensitive and is starting to pick up on some of the news. He is prone to anxiety and worries about security and the future. He is particularly worried about the war in Ukraine and, given there’s no clear resolution, I’m not sure how best to respond and reassure him. Any suggestions as to how to talk with him without making things worse?

A IT CAN be hard to find the right moment and words to talk about worrying or distressing things with children. However, much as you want to protect him, your child is likely to hear about this issue from friends, school and media.

Children listen to casual comments and may worry about them without telling you. it’s good that your son is talking about his worries so you can help him make sense of what’s happening. Check in with him, perhaps at a meal time. Before jumping in, ask what he knows about the war. Listen and let him ask questions.

Use open questions so you can gauge his feelings and understanding. show him you’re listening and taking him seriously. Acknowledge that it’s natural to worry, but assure him he is safe. He might prefer to draw a picture about how he is feeling.

Your children take their cues from you — and will notice if you are constantly worrying and looking upset. speak calmly and keep explanations simple.

According to Unicef, it’s important for children to know there are people doing things to resolve the conflict. give some positive information that there are international agencies helping to keep people safe. He may like to participate in doing something, such as donating clothes, toys or pocket money to a charity. try to share a hopeful view of the future.

You might look out for changes in behaviour suggesting your son is very anxious, such as becoming clingy, upset or irritable. He may be more tearful and need reassurance or complain of physical symptoms such as tummy or head pains. it may also affect his sleep or appetite. Help him focus on things he enjoys; a game, book, playing with the dog, to distract him.

to build resilience, you can chat about how you worry about things, too. share what works for you, such as finding a distraction or talking about it.

Your children learn most from watching how you behave, so if you can find ways to stay calm, they are likely to feel reassured and follow suit. explain how their body works when they are anxious. they might try counting back from five or practise a simple slow breathing exercise. it can help to find a phrase such as ‘i can do this’ or ‘it will be OK’. Picturing their favourite animal or place, or singing to themselves can also be helpful.

Congratulate him when you see him deal with difficult situations. Although many of these reactions are normal and short-term, if anxiety persists, consider professional help. there are techniques, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, proven to help reduce anxiety in children.