AND FINALLY
Texts are no place for an angry word
OH, I did such a stupid, stupid thing. All these years I have been trying to give advice from my heart and my head, sometimes getting it wrong, no doubt — but always attempting to infuse my replies with practical common sense.
There is an old Latin tag which asks, Quis custodiet ipsos custodes, meaning, ‘Who guards the guards themselves?’ In the past, I’ve extended that (somewhat jokily) to ‘Who gives advice to the advice columnist?’ Such a pertinent question!
I have expostulated with readers who have written to describe how they’ve quarrelled by text. I’ve asked why would they do such a stupid thing.
Who can say anything subtle and meaningful in a text? Brevity can be harsh and hurtful and you should think hard before writing anything down.
At least if you pick up the phone you hear a voice. So what did I do? Yes, I quarrelled with somebody very dear to me — via messages. I wouldn’t have sent the first cross one if I hadn’t had a few drinks — and there is another, important warning for you all.
Anyway, this quarrel made me thoroughly miserable and the other person, too, although they were (quite rightly) livid as well. I still felt angry the next day, but realised I was in the wrong.
Those opinions should have been kept to myself — and there’s yet another warning for you. Maybe the careless nastiness of social media is catching and everybody thinks their opinions should be aired. What matters is, I had not been asked.
There was only one thing to do: go round to their house and apologise. Which is what I did and, after a good talk (with some tears from me), all was forgiven. I confessed to this dear person that I’ve felt very stressy since my mother died, and lost, too. My apology was accepted. Oh, the relief!
Never again will I quarrel by text. This is a public confession of a painful private upset from a flawed human being.
■ Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.