Not worrying about how we look is why women ARE sexiest at 53

At what age do women feel most desirable? Early 20s, when firm limbs are nature’s blessing? Mid-30s, as you learn to take control of your sexuality? well, it’s neither.

according to new research, 53 is the age at which women feel their hottest. No, we’re not talking hot as in hot flushes, but ‘hot’ hot, in the Love Island sense of the word.

Four in ten of this age group said they were more confident about their looks than ever before.

and when it comes to romantic relations, almost a fifth said they found the prospect more exciting than in their youth.

admittedly, this was a study conducted by an over-50s dating service, so the results are possibly a little biased; still, there’s a lot of truth in this notion of middle-aged women feeling so much better about themselves than plenty of women half their age.

It is, of course, one thing to feel hot; quite another to look it. and I wonder how much it has to do with the fact that once you get to 50, the old eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Nature’s soft focus, I guess.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve left the house feeling a million dollars, only to be reminded I’m more suited to the ‘reduced to clear’ bin when I catch sight of myself in a shop window. to be honest, though, even that doesn’t bother me much any more.

But in a way, that’s the point. By the time you get to my age ( 55), you’ve long since given up trying to be perfect. In your youth, it’s a beauty rat-race, and insecurity is rife. Your 40s are even crueller. this is the decade of the perimenopause, when you find yourself clinging to those last drops of youth as the wellspring of oestrogen slowly dries up.

But by the time you get to your 50s, you’re over all that. and in that sense, the menopause can actually be liberating. Because yes, it’s hard work, and the symptoms are far from pleasant. But once you’re through it (as I am), there’s a lot to be said for the benefits.

You’re no longer bound by your fertility, no longer in thrall to highs and lows of the hormonal cycle — and there’s a kind of freedom in that. You realise, finally, none of it really matters, that what other

people think of how you look is irrelevant. there’s no point worrying about being overshadowed by someone younger, since so many women are younger. You learn to judge yourself by your own standards and your own limitations — and accept both.

No more chasing fashions and fads. By now, you know exactly what works and what doesn’t, what shapes suit your shape, what hairstyle works, which shade of mascara brings out the best in your eyes. You’ve learned to accentuate the positive — and sod the rest.

It’s that which makes women of my age attractive: our confidence, our wisdom — and the fact that we are in control. So what if the hair is a little grey, so what if the belly is a bit soft. You’re still here, aren’t you? and that’s where gratitude plays a huge part, too.

Our 50s, as one friend put it recently, are like sniper’s alley. It’s when people you love suddenly begin to get sick and, in some cases, die. when that starts to happen, it seems facile to obsess over a few wrinkles, so churlish to waste time on self-loathing or guilt. there are only so many good years left — enjoy them while you can.

So yes, we’re not perfect, and no it doesn’t pay to peer too closely in the mirror. But at the end of the day, to borrow a phrase, nothing looks as good as 50 feels.