Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

WHEN our son was at infant school, the teacher asked if any of the children knew what an umpire was. Jonathan

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When Garry Sykes came home half-drunk yet again, Evie took him to the window and pointed out the distillery lights, saying

‘See how large it is? They’ll always make it faster than you can drink it.’

‘Oh yep,’ he nodded. ‘Mind you, I’ve got them working nights!’

Tony Crafter, Sevenoaks, Kent.

One-line Philosophers

■ BEFORE asking a dentist the cost of having your teeth straightened, brace yourself. Mrs Valerie Ashton, London N14.

■ I DON’T know what top sportspeople see in ice baths — they leave me cold.

Vincent Hefter, Richmond, Surrey. replied: ‘An umpire sucks your blood!’

Allan Green, Cockermouth, Cumbria.