Is it just ME

Or are picnics a pain in the grass?

DELICIOUS food, chilled wine, lively chats and good company — there’s nothing like the joy of sharing a leisurely meal with friends. Provided it’s served on a table. And all guests are seated.

Take those two elements away, throw in a rug and call it a ‘picnic’ and suddenly it’s a disappointing, socially awkward ordeal.

But you can count on a heatwave to ignite the whimsical idea of a picnic — all wicker baskets, Cath Kidston rugs and gourmet treats in the blazing sun.

Then there’s the reality: soggy food, warm drinks, and a fight to bat away wasps. Traditional hampers with matching crockery don’t keep food or drink chilled. Cool boxes do (for a while) but they are cumbersome to carry.

And what about the condiments? I like French mustard with my honey roast ham, Branston with my cheddar, and you can’t beat a squirt of salad cream on Romaine lettuce. But

Nothing beats the joy of sharing a meal with friends — provided it’s seated at a table

what are you meant to do? Lug a cupboard full of jars and bottles to the park?

I’ve yet to come across a picnic-friendly pudding. Ice cream is out, chocolate melts, cakes get squashed.

But my main problem with picnics is sitting on the ground for hours.

It’s uncomfortable and once I’m down there it’s hard to get back up again. If I’m wearing a dress I’m on permanent ‘knicker flashing’ alert.

On a truly hot day people tend to take their shoes off and you find yourself biting into your baguette with somebody’s smelly troll feet in your eyeline.

Eventually, it’s time to head home, but you can’t just call a cab. Instead, you’re left with a pile of washing-up to pack — what do you do with those posh hampers? Strap your dirties back in? — and carry across the park with a grassstained bottom.

Honestly, who’d pick a picnic?