AN INSPECTOR CALLS

He pays his way... and tells it like it is

IF YOU hanker for technology and in-room gadgetry — or feel you should expose yourself to it from time to time — then Eccleston Square Hotel, near London’s Victoria Station, could be the answer.

From the outside, this is a traditional five-storey, Georgian building with two Union Flags fluttering above its porch. But approach the door and it swings open automatically and from there on it’s all buttons and gizmos. There are 38 rooms, for which you must stump up in advance online. I’m paying £240 for a City Queen but am upgraded to a City King on arrival.

‘Now you can walk around the room a bit,’ says Ibrahim. Which is just about possible — but it’s still tiny for the price.

The curtains open and close by pressing a button; information and ordering food or drink is done via a tablet; the glass walls of the shower frost over if you want privacy; 4K Chromecast enables ‘device mirroring’ with the TV (so you can watch your own Netflix etc.); the lights operate by buttons; a TV is embedded in the bathroom mirror and the Hastens bed is adjustable and has massage settings for head, back and legs.

If you lived full-time in a room such as this, you would soon work out which light responds to which button, but when here just for a few hours you end up punching them all. Surely an ordinary light switch is a better example of effective technology?

Downstairs, there’s an unappealing space for drinks and limited eats but no one is there — so I help myself to a half bottle of wine that I find in one of the fridges.

‘Sorry, I’m all on my own,’ says Ibrahim when he finally appears.

The menu comprises burgers, nachos and salads. I opt for the nachos, which arrive in a take-away carton and are so salty that I can only manage a few mouthfuls. The shiny decor and fake pot plants don’t help.

A cleaner opens my door in the morning just as I’m stirring and the lights go on automatically. ‘Sorry,’ we chorus to each other.

And, overall, I am sorry — not for the early morning intrusion, but for paying so much for so little.

Eccleston Square Hotel 37 Eccleston Square

London

SW1V 1PB

Tel: 020 3503 0699 ecclestonsquarehotel.com Doubles from £168 room only

★★