SO WHAT SORT OF ‘OLD’ ARE YOU?

NOW take HARRY WALLOP’S wickedly revealing quiz....

1. What shoes are you currently wearing?

A. Right now? Havaianas flip flops. Tonight it’s going to be kitten heels. I’m out dancing.

B. I’ve just bought some Marks & Spencer wedge espadrilles.

C. My pair of Hotter Sugar II — they are extra supportive and the touch-close strap is so much easier than laces.

2. How do you keep in touch with your grandchildren?

A. Mostly Snapchat. We send each other silly pictures. I find TikTok brilliant, too, for the latest memes.

B. Facebook, mostly. It’s great to see their artwork and holiday pictures.

C. I call them on my landline. I keep their numbers on a sheet of laminated A4 by the phone.

3. Glastonbury tickets go on sale for next year. you react by: A. Sitting by your laptop, tablet, PC and phone screen, manically refreshing. You just pray Kendrick Lamar is headlining again. B. You quite fancy the idea of going to watch the Rolling Stones, who are rumoured to be performing. Gosh, they are good. But camping? We’ll probably watch them on the telly.

C. Is that the awful music festival the BBC rams down our throat each year? No thanks!

4. How did you cope with the blistering heatwave?

A. With 7am mindful swimming trips in the nearest river.

B. I invited the grandchildren around. I promised them lollies if they brought their paddling pool. I sat with my feet in it.

C. I did not. I sat with a damp flannel on my head listening to Met Office updates on the radio.

5. How do you exercise?

A. I’ve joined the local cycling club. I’m the oldest one there but it’s terrific fun and your glutes get a real workout.

B. I do Pilates in the village hall, but I mostly go for the gossip.

C. Exercise? I really don’t think my knees would cope. In any case, I don’t own any plimsolls.

6. you have a landmark birthday coming up. How are you going to celebrate?

A. We’re throwing a huge bash with a live DJ. I’m hoping my new cycling club friends will come and meet the kids.

B. A family tea party with champagne.

C. The idea terrifies me. I am hoping everyone will forget.

7. Who is your favourite Hollywood actor?

A. Ryan Gosling. Gosh, he is gorgeous. I can’t wait to see him in The Gray Man.

B. It was great watching Tom Cruise in Top Gun Maverick after all these years.

C. No one can compare to Cary Grant. Every so-called star since is a pale imitation.

RESULTS

MOSTLY AS: Age for you is purely a number. But be careful on that bike — taking selfies while going downhill isn’t a good idea.

MOSTLY BS: You know that the secret to a fulfilling second half of life is trying new things. MOSTLY CS: There is a difference between taking it easier and giving up. You are at risk of talking yourself into being old before your time.