... AND BETHESDA TELLS HER SIDE OF THE STORY

POSSIBLY the most annoying aspect of my mother’s new relationship is that she and Gavin spend half the day on the phone to each other and I can hear almost every word through our shared wall. I wear headphones to block out the droning (‘I love you!’ ‘I love you more!’).

When not blowing gross kisses to him on the phone, she talks about him endlessly, raving about his mind, his soul, his genius, and so on, which can make me uncomfortable. I mean, do I really need to know that he calls her THV, short for Tiny Hot

Vampire? Mum has always been an enthusiast — at her best she’s a carnival, impossibly happy — but it can feel like she’s shoving Gavin down my throat to make me like him, rather than allowing our friendship to evolve naturally.

I like that he has more progressive views and is clearly more grounded than my mother, who can disappear into a world of abstractions.

The thing that weirds me out is how fast they’re moving. I get that they’re old, but shouldn’t she wait a year or two before getting so serious?