Wailing sirens, weeping crew . . . welcome to touchy-feely Britain
Ambulance ★★☆☆☆ Football Dreams: The Academy ★★☆☆☆
GRAB a Kleenex before you read on. You might want to have a bit of a weep. Let it all out — that’s the British way now. The whole country is perpetually on the brink of tears, even the paramedics. With cameras following an emergency response team on Ambulance (BBC1), driver Kyle was wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he left a job.
i’ll admit, it does alarm me a little that an ambulance crew might be crying uncontrollably as they speed through traffic. When they say they’re on ‘ blues-andtwos’, i thought that meant sirens and flashing lights — not clinical depression.
At one call-out, where a woman with a back injury was lying in the porch of her home, Kyle gasped, ‘OMG! This is absolutely awful.’
i wouldn’t find that reassuring. it’s probably just me, though. The Beeb should embrace this touchyfeely trend, with a whole series about 999 officers who arrive at the scene in a state of hysterics. They could call it Emotional Rescue.
Episode one: firefighters harry and John sob uncontrollably as a blaze at a theatre destroys a priceless collection of Judy Garland memorabilia. in a poignant final montage sequence, we hear Elaine Paige belting out Cry Me A River.
Episode two: drag queen sea sea Ryder is called out on a lifeboat mission to save trawlermen in a storm. With no time to change into oilskins, she steers through the waves in a sequinned ballgown, looking fabulous.
Later instalments could feature an air ambulance pilot who conquers his fear of heights by taking a therapy dog on every flight.
seriously, none of this would be out of place in the new-look Ambulance, which places all the emphasis on the emotional strains suffered by nhs staff. in the control room, ex-miner Tom and his colleague holly were frequently devastated by the calls they handled.
They wouldn’t be human if they weren’t sometimes upset, but to be so open and vulnerable must be exhausting. There used to be no shame in professional detachment — but in the instagram age, anyone with dry eyes looks heartless.
Young footballer Bola, playing for his place in Crystal Palace’s under-12s training squad on Football Dreams: The Academy (C4), was learning to control his emotions.
The boys were encouraged to pour all their adolescent passion into the game — but keep a cool head on the pitch. ‘Getting angry isn’t one of the emotions you need,’ Bola scolded himself.
he and his best mates Kairo and Kayden were all dedicated, talented lads.
But if that’s all a footballer required, there’d be half a million young men earning their living in the Premier League. The start of this six- part series focused exclusively on the game and the unrealistic dreams it fosters, without asking what happens to those who don’t make the grade.
We saw nothing of the three boys’ schoolwork. nobody mentioned the impact on their studies — they were constantly playing five-a-side, practising in the garden, watching matches on the TV or being ferried to the training ground.
Kairo talked of buying his mother a Bentley 4x4 with his first wage packet. Kayden was already costing up a pool, a Jacuzzi and a home cinema.
it’s natural for boys that age to have extravagant ambitions. But if the academy encourages them to dream without making sure they can fall back on solid school work, that’s irresponsible.
Meanwhile, every junior player was being well versed in football platitudes. They might never play at Wembley but they’ll always be able to say: ‘At the end of the day, it’s a team game and i need to remain humble.’