What deep emotions for young hearts to handle but it’s RIGHT that they were there
WAS it only three months ago that we saw Prince George and Princess Charlotte giggling, convulsed by surprise and glee, as they watched their beloved ‘Gan-Gan’ taking tea with Paddington Bear?
William and Kate’s two eldest children shared in the spectacle of rejoicing at the Platinum Jubilee in June, just as yesterday they shared the solemn ritual of mourning at the funeral of their great-grandmother, the longest- serving monarch in British history.
What deep emotions for young hearts to handle. What a change for young minds to understand. They will surely never forget either occasion.
And we will always remember that poignant moment when a nine-year-old boy and a seven-year-old girl walked the awe- inspiring length of Westminster Abbey behind their Gan- Gan’s coffin, looking so small compared to the scale of the pomp around them.
George bit his lip, Charlotte ducked her head in that ‘big girl’s hat’ and their loving parents shielded them on each side, yet at the same time demonstrated exactly how you behave when the eyes of the world are upon you. That is something royal children must learn.
It is easy to imagine just how much discussion the Prince and Princess of Wales had over whether George and Charlotte should play a role in the funeral procession. Without doubt, this will also have involved telling the children what they would have to do — and asking them what they felt.
William and Harry have both said they found walking behind their mother’s coffin traumatic, so no doubt some people will have questioned the wisdom of William and Kate choosing to have their children at the funeral at all.
Was it the right call? I have no doubt whatsoever that it was.
William and Kate (advised surely by the King) showed wisdom and sensitivity as parents — and an awareness of their little family’s vital duty towards the institution.
George and Charlotte, but not four-year-old Louis, were allowed publicly to take their places within a family mourning a much-loved matriarch — the mother, grandmother and great-grandmother who was intimately involved with all their lives.
Yet that person was also the Queen of our nation and Head of the Commonwealth, and so the presence of two of her greatgrandchildren at her funeral sent out a powerful message to the watching world.
We cannot mourn the late Queen without reflecting on the continuity of the Crown; therefore it was wonderful for the public to have that image of the line of succession — an image of security in an unpredictable world.
It was also a testament to George and Charlotte’s maturity and emotional intelligence.
All families have to face death and grief at some stage, and how we explain it to our children can profoundly affect their later lives.
In February 2021, the two eldest of my four grandchildren were just eight when given a choice whether to attend the cremation service for my father. One chose to sit beside her mother (and stroke her back when she cried); the other thought it might be too much for him.
This spring, when we gathered for my mother’s funeral, both nine-year-olds chose to be present — and I was so glad. This was their beloved great- grandmother, a powerful presence in their lives. Why should they not help us all say the final goodbye?
There is a danger that if a family is over-protective and attempts to deny the shocking reality of death to a child, that young person will feel shut out.
The distinguished psychotherapist Julia Samuel, an expert on families and bereavement and founder of the charity Child Bereavement UK, was a close friend of Diana, Princess of Wales, and is godmother to Prince George.
Her brilliant book, Grief Works, has this to say about children at funerals: ‘ Even if very young children go to the funeral and have no memory of it when they’re older, they may still be glad to know they were included; I’ve never known a child who regretted having gone.’
She goes on to explain that if children’s feelings about death are suppressed, there can be ‘an increased risk of developing psychiatric symptoms’ later.
Watching George and Charlotte in Westminster Abbey was so touching. Like all children, they fiddled about with their ‘programmes’ — the imposing Orders of Service.
Charlotte’s little feet didn’t reach the floor; George glanced toward the choir as their voices rose to the glorious fan-vaulted roof of the Abbey; their parents looked down from time to time.
After the lengthy procession, as well as the astonishing sight of thousands of people along the route, and then the moving ordeal of the service at Windsor, both children will have felt exhausted.
Grief takes time to process, but the whole ceremonial business of mourning (yes, even the ordinary rituals the rest of us share) allows bewilderment and sadness to wash through you, as you realise life must go on.
But the beloved dead will never be forgotten. Especially Gan-Gan.