Snappy Sunak left Starmer flapping like a scarecrow in a whirlwind
High fives, back slaps, meaty great bear hugs. Anyone observing the government frontbench shortly after 12.30pm yesterday might have assumed they were at one of those frat house-style tech conferences in Silicon Valley, such was the sudden spike in testosterone.
Rishi Sunak was on his way out of the Commons and offering up fist bumps to any minister who wanted one. Even the Speaker received a friendly squeeze on the arm from the newly returned golden boy. Pardon the indiscretion, but i do believe Sir Lindsay blushed.
One day into the job and Mr Sunak was cock-a-hoop. Who could blame him? he’d just concluded his first PMQs and given Sir Keir Starmer an almighty tonking. An absolute doddle this Prime Minister business.
Each grenade the Labour leader lobbed at him the PM then diffused with all the nonchalance of a leather-jacketed greaser extinguishing a cigarette.
STARMER was left flapping. A scarecrow caught in a whirlwind. Worse for Labour, he suddenly looked old, reduced to a sluggish also-ran behind Rishi’s treble espresso performance.
A wall of rubber-necking wellwishers had greeted Rishi’s arrival. So much so he struggled to wade his way past them all behind the Speaker’s chair. Fortunately, the tory leader’s freshly appointed parliamentary private secretary Craig Williams (Con, Montgomeryshire) was able to clear a path. Not a small lad, our Craig. the PM flopped down in his seat, twiddled his pencil-thin turquoise tie and gave the chamber a proprietorial scan. Ah yes, back where he belongs. Now, where were we?
First up came a quick exchange
of pleasantries. Sir Keir welcomed Rishi to his post in generous fashion. he described his arrival in Downing Street as ‘ a significant moment in our national story’.
Sunak expressed the hope that he and Starmer could have ‘grown up discussions’ over the coming weeks. incoming leaders always say that. Never happens.
But the niceties over with, Starmer was soon honking on about the reappointment of Suella Braverman as home Secretary. it was a breach of national security, he pronounced. ‘ As always with the tories, it is party first, country second,’ moaned Sir Keir.
Rishi’s quick-as-a-flash response: ‘Didn’t you twice try and get Jeremy Corbyn elected Prime Minister?’
the great prosecutor’s eyes bobbled. he shook his head as if to say ‘all ancient history’.
But such early humiliation forced Sir Keir to go low and raise Rishi’s wife’s non-dom tax arrangements. Yet somehow the PM spun it around, managing to raise a laugh over Labour’s abysmal economic record. tory roars. ‘two nil!’ they yelped. they hadn’t made this much noise since the Partygate hoo-haa erupted.
Not all of them were happy. Leader of the house Penny Mordaunt still looked miffed at not being offered a bigger job. Worse, she was squished between the encroaching thighs of Chief Whip Simon hart and Dominic Raab. Poor woman looked as though she was caught up with stag do revellers on the last tube home.
Over in the far corner perched two punctured footballs – recently departed ministers Jacob ReesMogg and Kit Malthouse. Nearby was Saj Javid, arms folded, hoping, praying perhaps, for a return to government. (Why oh why is he persevering with his ridiculous new beard?)
OH, and no Liz truss present obviously. Nor Kwasi Kwarteng for that matter. i hear he was licking his wounds in the turf Club the night before, but that’s another story.
having hit his stride, Rishi was grinning and clearly enjoying the encounter. he teased Sir Keir about getting elected Labour leader under false pretences – cynically presenting himself as more Corbynista than is the case – and gave him some gyp about never leaving north London.
Sir Keir wondered if raising Rishi’s lack of mandate might wipe the smug look off his face. it was undemocratic. Sunak retorted it was ‘a bit rich’ to prattle on about democracy when Starmer spent so long trying to thwart Brexit. groans erupted from the Labour benches. Silly oaf. Starmer had walked straight into that one.
A tory revival? Not quite. But the reset button has at least firmly been hit.