Proof that bluntness can work
SOMETIMES readers object to one of my replies, usually because they judge me ‘harsh’.
That was the verdict of a lady who didn’t like my main reply on October 28 — when ‘Helen’ asked if she had the courage to leave her loveless marriage after 47 years.
She described her husband’s behaviour, yet said she had ‘a good life with lots of friends’.
Because it seemed clear that she wouldn’t leave, I suggested various practical strategies for staying. Yes, I was honest and realistic — but I wouldn’t say ‘harsh’.
Now let’s go back to September 3 and ‘Should I forgive my pervy husband?’.
‘Jenny’ told me her husband had been sending pictures of his penis to random women, as well as behaving in other hurtful ways. Yet she said she still loved him, called him ‘a good man’ and felt she should give him another chance.
Naturally, I was critical of her ‘down-at-heel acceptance’ of victimhood. Although I acknowledged that it’s very hard to leave a long marriage, I reminded her that we all have just one life.
Six weeks later I heard from ‘Jenny’ again. This is what she wrote in full:
‘With shock I saw you printed my problem on your page and seeing it in black and white was the wake-up call I needed.
‘I have now separated from my perverted husband and I couldn’t be happier. It hasn’t been an easy decision but with the support of my family and friends, who all heaved a huge sigh of relief that I have finally come to my senses, I am now making a new life for myself.
‘Thank you, Bel. I can’t say I liked your reply at first, but you pointed out what no one could, and that was what I desperately needed. I am eternally grateful that you have given me the chance to live another life.’
I applaud a very brave woman who took control. She ‘didn’t like’ my words because they told the truth. It might be a jolt, but being blunt can work.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.