Caring for grandchildren is better than any pill

Let NHS psychiatrist Max Pemberton transform your life

GeTTInG old isn’t always easy. Yet one of the main complaints I hear from older patients isn’t the aches and pains that come with age, nor that things don’t work in the way they used to. I’ve found that people tend to understand and accept those new limitations.

no, the thing that really brings people down, is loneliness. That is the hardest part of getting on — the bit they can’t bear.

Isolation blights the lives of many older people and can be difficult to address. Yet a new study from King’s College, London, has shown that looking after children is one of the most effective ways to combat it.

In contrast, it found that looking after a spouse didn’t help. In fact, caring for an ailing partner can actually make you feel lonelier.

Taking care of children — whether your own flesh and blood or those of someone else — significantly reduced feelings of isolation.

It is estimated there are 1.2 million lonely older people in the country, and aside from the emotional toll, the physical effects are comparable to smoking and obesity, according to a Harvard study earlier this year. experts believe that the chronic inflammation caused by being lonely and unhappy causes damage to cells and vital organs.

OLderpeople are an underused and undervalued resource in our society. not only does babysitting the grandchildren help older people, but there are tremendous benefits for the youngsters, too.

These days, grandparents are absolutely vital for so many young children. As families have become increasingly atomised, it’s often the older generation who offer consistency and stability.

While parents are at work, it’s the grandparents who are picking up the children from school, sitting with them while they do their homework and picking them up when they fall over.

during divorce, it’s often the grandparents who provide a sense of safety and security. From a psychological perspective, this is so important as we know the damage that a split can do to young people.

Of course, it’s not easy being a grandparent. You have to walk a delicate line between being an authority figure for the child, being their friend and confidant, yet not stepping on the toes of the parent. It’s difficult to get the balance right.

And then there’s the fact that there are plenty of older people who retire and have exciting plans to travel or take up hobbies, and can sometimes feel put upon to provide childcare. But rest assured, the job you are doing is invaluable.

Children may be our future but the older generation are the custodians of our past. We need them to root us in history and to pass on traditions.

They have seen it all before. They can not only pass on sage advice from their own experience, but can calm and reassure at times of uncertainty and turbulence. They make us feel grounded, offer reassurance and a sense of belonging. They can also help us learn and understand more about ourselves. Grandparents are a rich source of stories, not just about our families but also about what has happened in the past.

They are also very good at walking that fine line between being caring and adoring, and encouraging youngsters to build a sense of resilience which is so prevalent in the older generation and often appears so lacking in the younger.

The skills they nurture and encourage in young children and adolescents are the ones that will equip them for life’s vicissitudes long into adulthood.

My grandfather died before I was born, but the unconditional love I had from my remaining nan, Grandma and Grandpa has stayed with me and sustained me well into adulthood. despite them dying years ago, I still think of all of them with great love and affection, and am indebted to them for their kindness and the many things that they taught me.

They were my absolute champions — totally dedicated to me but in a different way to a parent.

They not only gave me a sense of connection to my past and a strong sense of identity but a unique warmth and a sense of deep security from knowing that, for them, I was the most important thing in their world. I know they would have done anything for me.

It’s hard to put a price on the child-grandparent relationship. The benefits for both are far better than any pill that I could hope to prescribe.

GPs will be named and shamed if they fail to see enough patients faceto-face. I’ve had patients who’ve struggled to get appointments with their GP and, yes, it’s causing worry and anger. But I’m not sure naming and shaming is the answer. Morale among GPs is already at an all-time low and I don’t think this is going to help.