There’s an equation for friendship

THANK you so much for all your positive New Year greetings, praise for the column, and also the many helpful answers in response to last week’s letter from ‘Jan’, who feels so alone and can see no alternative.

You sent many suggestions, like volunteering for example, as a way of meeting people. Living in sheltered housing was another suggestion, to counter the fear of dying alone.

Of course, Jan did emphasise that she does have social contacts, but for her loneliness is a deep internal state. Many readers suggested she get a dog, as the best company in the world, and ‘the dog-walking community is lovely’.

Older people worried about what will happen to a dog were they to fall ill should look up the work of The Cinnamon Trust. Naturally, I agree with all that, but must add that not everybody loves dogs as much as I do!

One or two readers thought me unsympathetic, like BG for example: ‘Like your correspondent, I have absolutely no interest in other people’s grandchildren, which people these days seem to want to talk about endlessly. Yes, it IS hard — nay, impossible — to show an interest in people’s grandchildren.

‘I, therefore, avoid meeting people whose conversation I know will bore me to tears, and stick to those with whom I know I will have a good conversation about a variety of subjects and plenty of laughs.

‘I do understand how Jan feels, and to be honest I don’t think your advice to her is very helpful. We don’t all want to hear endless boring stories and see hundreds of photos of other people’s grandchildren.’

Fair enough. But I’ll be equally honest and say that when I receive grumpy letters, I sometimes wonder how the writers manage to co-exist with others in the real world.

My equation was pretty simple: if you show an interest in other people, they are more likely to show an interest in you. Nobody will ever persuade me that’s not true.

Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 9 Derry Street, london W8 5HY, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.