Today’s poem

A PARALLEL UNIVERSE

Were I a top London policeman My record might not rank with the best,

But I’m great at signalling virtue

So I shall wear a menopause vest.

I make cups of tea for protesters,

(It’s better than trying to solve crime),

And though I could try to arrest them

I regret that I can’t find the time.

If I send my men to help victims There’ll be none left to dance and cavort

At those street parties and carnivals

That I feel we must really support.

I try to steer clear of the knife gangs Roaming the streets to plunder and rob,

But can massage stats if it’s needed

To pretend I am doing my job.

I accept that nobody’s perfect

And I make a few errors I guess,

But when I arrest the wrong person

I can just put the blame on the Press.