It’s curtains up for real drama queen

I’m your director, so do as I say,

And all will be right on the night, OK?

My thanks to Joan for standing in stead

Of our sick teenage star, confined to her bed. Joan’s performances quite often caused tears to flow

When she played the ingenue decades ago.

Now Joan, playing a maiden at seventy plus

Is quite a challenge, but no need to fuss.

Plenty of make-up, luxuriant wig,

A dress not too see-through and comfortably big. Should see you all right, though try not to trip.

The last thing we need is a break of the hip.

Your entrance should be vivacious and breezy

So try to avoid sounding breathless and wheezy. Remember your lines, don’t let your voice crack,

I’ll prompt from the wings to keep you on track.

A new understudy we’ll need for next time; Someone younger with their own teeth would be fine. And, other cast members, just one thing I beg:

When wishing Joan luck, don’t say: ‘Break a leg!’ Mrs Glynis Williams, Oundle, Northants.