Brilliiiaaannnttt! PM was like a TV comic character high on caffeine
REMEMBER that Paul Whitehouse character in The Fast Show who found everything ‘Brilliant!’? Dressed in baggy clothes and a beanie hat, he’d march about and declare in his thick Mancunian accent that things were nothing short of ‘fan-dabi-dozi’.
Mams, microwaves, the mafia — you name it, the daft numpty loved it.
Well, Rishi Sunak seemed to be channelling the same energy when he travelled to Morecambe yesterday to announce his dishing out of the Government’s £2.1billion levelling up fund. Excitement, energy and enthusiasm oozed from his pores like a caffeine-charged yoof TV presenter.
‘Isn’t Morecambe brilliant, everybody? It’s got, like, beaches and donkey rides and that. Fantastic. Sticks o’ rock. Brilliiiaaannnttt!’
Morecambe, it transpired, had hit the jackpot. Winging its way from Westminster was a £50million cheque to transform the town’s derelict seafront into a sister site of the Eden Project — the hugely popular tourist destination in Cornwall where futuristic domes house the sort of exotic, scary-looking plants one associates with The Day Of The Triffids.
The project, the Prime Minister said, was going to be a ‘world class attraction... spectacular... amazing... so exciting . . . brillliiiaaannnt!’
The setting for his big announcement was The Platform, a former Edwardian railway station-turned-music venue on the town’s promenade. Behind Rishi stood a board listing those five priorities of his — inflation, growth, debt, etc. (Incidentally, no mention of the war in Ukraine on that list which some find mildly troubling.)
A more flamboyant politician — Michael Heseltine or, dare I say, Boris Johnson — might have
donned a hard hat and a high-vis jacket for the event. Who knows, Boris might even have thrown a giant sledgehammer over one shoulder just for laughs.
MR Sunak, having not yet acquired that sense of showmanship, sported shirt sleeves and his usual snug slacks which look as though they’ve been sprayed on from an aerosol can.
There was no great ‘Look at me!’ speech. Instead, the event had the feel of a town hall meeting. The PM preferred to take questions from an audience who were so jubilant you’d think each of them had won the pools.
A student called Emma thought
the news ‘brilliant... fantastic.’ She wondered if the new centre would be made available to people like her studying farming courses.
‘Brilliant question!’ exclaimed Rishi. Of course, it would be.
He shot Emma one of his 100-watt grins. ‘I can see you’re really pumped!’ he winked.
The PM prowled the stage, arms swaying, absorbing the love. After the cash boost he’d given them, he couldn’t have been more popular if he secured the nimble-footed services of Lionel Messi for the local football team.
‘Fantastic news!’ yelped council leader Caroline Jackson.
A local property salesman also thought the news ‘fantastic!’ He wondered how long construction on the new project would take.
Typical estate agent. Always thinking about their sales pitches. Rishi assured the man it would take about two years.
Hmmmmm. So three years, knowing most builders.
QUESTIONS from the media proved less fawning. Despite the location, some accused the PM of favouring the South East over the North East with his levelling up largesse. A BBC man accused Sunak of ‘shovelling money into the South’ where most Conservatives MPs are.
Nonsense, replied Rishi. Of course, he wasn’t neglecting the North. He was always travelling to his own constituency up in Yorkshire, for heaven’s sake — ‘I’m on that train. I live it, I breathe it,’ he insisted. Point of order: Rishi had travelled to Morecambe yesterday morning by private jet.
A Sun journalist asked when he was going to cut taxes. The PM said it was up to the Chancellor so he couldn’t possibly comment.
He admitted that when he was in No11 he found it a little unhelpful when Boris made crackpot spending commitments without consulting him. Like promising a £20billion bridge to Northern Ireland and so forth.
Time was ticking away. The PM had to go. An aide was waving at him to skedaddle.
‘It’s been a pleasure... Un-belieeevable,’ he said. Brilliant even.