Ephraim Hardcastle
HARRY’S description of his encounter with the late Queen in a field after a shoot, asking her permission to marry Meghan, displays his bewilderment at his granny’s dry sense of humour. ‘She replied: “Well, then, i suppose i have to say yes,”’ he writes, adding: ‘Was she being sarcastic? ironic? Deliberately cryptic? What is the Queen of england saying to me right now?’ if she were still with us, HM might have asked Harry why he’s distressed his father and his brother with his so-called truth in Spare.
WAS Harry aware of the Queen’s response when asked whether she wanted the pregnant Kate to have a boy or girl? ‘I don’t think I mind,’ she smiled. ‘I’d very much like it to arrive… I’m going on holiday.’
CHARLES and Camilla will suffer a bumpy ride to their coronation in the Gold State Coach, predicts Secrets of the Royal Palaces, a Channel 5 documentary to be aired on Saturday in which the late Queen described her journey in the 300-year-old conveyance as ‘horrible’. Historian Dr Janina Ramirez suggests a change of plan: ‘the Diamond Jubilee State Coach has hydraulic suspension, a heating system and electric windows.’ Should the King and Queen Consort heed her advice, might they contribute a review for top Gear?
BRAZILIAN firecracker
Luciana Gimenez, pictured, admits to a festering irritation over oft-repeated gossip that her son Lucas, now 22, was conceived during a romp with father Sir Mick
Jagger in a dog kennel. ‘I am a superrefined gal and would never do this,’ the ex-model insists. Woof and woof again.
PRESIDENT Macron’s wife Brigitte, once his teacher, surprises French TV viewers by supporting former national Front leader Marine Le Pen’s policy of school uniforms for all. Was hubby emmanuel riled? Le Canard enchaine reports an exasperated Macron declaring in cabinet: ‘enough already with this madness about school uniforms!’ Brigitte wasn’t in the room, of course; he’d have been sent to bed without any treats if he’d spoken to her like that.
JACK Whitehall should have a stern word with his dad Michael, who, inexplicably, claims his son ‘isn’t well hung’. Adding: ‘He’s not got a huge amount to offer in that department.’ Whitehall Snr, 82, a superannuated theatrical agent, must lead a very dull life indeed.
AFTER portraying Crossroads matriarch noele Gordon, Helena Bonham Carter now wants a part in eastenders, saying: ‘We could do it. it would be fun.’ the Old Vic hasn’t been the same since landlady Barbara Windsor departed. How does two pints of bitter and a Babycham sound, Helena?
JACOB Rees-Mogg declares on his podcast: ‘Boris infuriates dull people. So dull people get frightfully upset that someone much more interesting, cleverer than them, has been so much more successful.’ Where was Moggy, the Boris groupie, when the Bay City Rollers needed him?