Ephraim Hardcastle
KING Charles plans to continue his mother’s tradition of inviting the Scottish First Minister for a weekend at Balmoral, complete with picnic amid the midges. Could be awkward if SNP leadership frontrunner humza Yousaf succeeds Nicola Sturgeon. he has made no secret of his wish to abolish the monarchy. Yousaf has certainly caught courtiers off guard. When Scotland voted on independence in 2014, then SNP leader Alex Salmond pledged that the head of state would not change. Sturgeon, trying to keep as many voters on side as possible, followed suit. Yousaf has a different plan. expect Balmoral’s notorious midges to be given free rein.
DESPITE his love of Russia, Prince Michael of Kent promptly returned his Order of Friendship medal to Moscow after Putin’s invasion of Ukraine – unlike fellow recipient former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams. The churchman was clearly unmoved by Sir Iain Duncan Smith’s exhortation to send gongs back to Putin with a note stating: ‘Stick this where the sun don’t shine.’
MEETING Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky, adventurer Bear Grylls tried to put him at ease by adapting a strategy from his wildlife shenanigans. ‘i’m just going to take a bar of chocolate,’ he tells Radio Times. ‘Let’s eat chocolate and talk about your life.’ But it nearly backfired. ‘When i offered it to Zelensky, one of his guys stepped in and said he shouldn’t be eating it. i said OK, i’ll go first, to show i’m not out to poison him.’ Maybe he was just watching his waistline, Bear.
RECALLING a highpowered # MeToo gathering of women at the home of Hollywood actress Rosanna Arquette, pictured, Succession star Brian Cox was taken aback with demands he deliver sweary alter ego Logan Roy’s catchphrase. ‘I was standing at the back listening to this very intense stuff,’ he remembers. ‘They saw me and they immediately started bringing out their devices and going, “Can you tell us to f*** off?” And I’m going, “Jesus Christ. This is a #MeToo meeting! And you’re asking a white dinosaur to tell you to f*** off?”’
PETRONELLA Wyatt persists in confirming that hell hath no fury like an ex-Boris paramour with her reaction to his Partygate defence. ‘This man’s sophistry would flummox a Jesuit,’ she fumes. Deep breaths, Petsy!
REFLECTING on the controversial fate of the BBC Singers, former corporation star Andrew Neil remarks: ‘Britain’s only professional chamber choir to be disbanded in July to save about £1.5million. Only a tad above Gary Lineker’s annual BBC salary. Strange priority for a supposedly public service broadcaster.’
ABOUT to play Paul Mescal’s mother in gothic film God’s Creatures, emily Watson admitted she’d never heard of the irish heartthrob. After binge-watching his breakthrough role in BBC’s Normal People, she gurgled: ‘he is a very, very lovely man.’ intimacy co-ordinator alert!