Pay by app? That’s taking the biscuit
LIKE other councils around the country, Bromley is removing pay-anddisplay machines, forcing everyone to pay for car parking through a mobile phone app or online. They are oblivious to the problems this causes a significant number of people. Just imagine if shopkeepers followed suit . . . Customer: ‘Hello, may I buy this packet of biscuits.’ shopkeeper: ‘Good morning, sir. That will be 90p.’
Customer: ‘Here’s £1.’ shopkeeper: ‘sorry, I can’t take cash. Yes, I am aware you are offering legal tender, but I’m not prepared to buy a cash register to put the money in. We’ve had cash stolen in the past. Customer: ‘Oh, in that case, here’s my debit card.’ shopkeeper: ‘That won’t do — I’d have to buy a machine to process your card and I have no intention of wasting my money doing that.’ Customer: ‘so, how do I pay?’ shopkeeper: ‘I proudly follow the concept of service initiated by local councils for parking fees. You pay by app on your mobile phone. It’s very simple — all you need to do is ensure your phone is charged up, there is a signal for your supplier and your mobile is turned on and enabled for mobile data. Then type in your email address, create a password, enter your car registration, add all the relevant details of your credit or debit card, which shop you are in, what you are buying and then you’re sorted!’ Customer: ‘That seems like rather a lot of palaver just to buy a 90p packet of biscuits.’ shopkeeper: ‘The whole point is that I don’t have to do anything at all and you have to do everything. The sooner you understand that the better.
Oh, and you will need to sign on to lots of different apps for all the shops that you might visit.’
Customer: ‘But I find the mobile phone’s tiny screen very difficult to read in bright sunshine and I am fingers and thumbs when I try to enter all of that data.’ shopkeeper: ‘Well, that serves you right — in a totally non-discriminatory way, of course.’
Customer: ‘Isn’t there any other way I can buy these biscuits?’ shopkeeper: ‘Oh, yes. You can do it in advance online on your home computer. You then come in and collect the packet of biscuits you’ve paid for. Of course, I may have run out of biscuits and you will have paid for nothing. That’s tough. No, you won’t be reimbursed if this happens — after all, you will have been warned about this on the website.’
Customer: ‘Just give me a few minutes to see if I can download the app.’ shopkeeper: ‘You do seem to be taking quite a while trying to pay. If you take too long, you will be fined. I won’t provide you with any help because my time is money and I don’t need the nuisance. You see, I’ve subcontracted the payment system so it’s nothing to do with me.’
Customer: ‘Thank goodness — the payment has gone through. Hang on, the biscuits are 90p, but I’ve been charged £1.20.’ shopkeeper: ‘Let me explain. It costs you 20p for the privilege of paying 90p and then a further 10p to be informed you’ve paid. Of course these charges aren’t borne by me. so sue me and see how far you get. Have a nice day.’