Why Rylan smiles on the Island of Flos
YOUR HOLIDAY GUIDE TO THE MOST UNEXPLORED GREEK ISLANDS (PART 1)
BEZOS
The Island of Bezos is well-known for its annual parade of bald billionaires with their younger second wives or partners.
You can get anything you want on the Isle of Bezos, but you’ll probably have second thoughts about it and have to package it up again and send it back.
CHAOS
As You step off the ferry onto the Isle of Chaos, you leave the hurlyburly of the modern world behind you. once you have navigated your way through the throng of street sellers offering midnight cruises, driftwood jewellery, sunhats, selfie- sticks and glass-bottomed boat rides, relax in a choice of bustling harbourside cafes.
There’s no need to queue — an age-old local tradition dictates that ‘the race for a table goes to the strongest’.
If you want to sit down, it will be extra, and if you want coffee, there will be a 25 per cent surcharge for a cup to drink it from.
INNUENDOS
The ancient Island of Innuendos, with its famous doubledomed temple to the Goddess Asides, is well-known for its friendly locals.
Ladies: be sure to visit the fruit shop in the main street, where you will be greeted with the cry: ‘You’ve got a lovely pear there, love.’
FLOS
The dental capital of the Aegean. Rylan Clark, simon Cowell and Katie Price all have homes there.
DOGMA
VIsIT Dogma for its famous debates, staged throughout the day in cafes and on street corners.
enjoy hours of energetic cut-andthrust. The proud Dogmatics are famed for their stubborn refusal to budge. once a year, they climb to the top of the island’s highest mountain in the hope of seeing another person’s point of view. The local dish is best served cold.
KUDOS
on The Isle of Kudos, all the men drive Porsches, all the women carry hermes handbags and all the children talk to each other on the latest smartphones.
The picture-postcard port is packed with superyachts — be sure to keep an eye open for sir Philip Green parading in his VIP speedos on board the private balcony of his 295ft Lionheart.
Basic onshore accomodation is available at the £2,500-a-night hotel Caviar (pillows extra). If you want something a little more exclusive, why not splash out on the £4,000-a-night hotel Bathos, where all the staff have been recruited from the local orphanage? Tipping is not permitted.
SARDONIC
You can be sure to receive a traditional sardonic welcome (‘nice to see you — not!’) as you step off the ferry on to any one of the sardonic Islands. seafronts boast bars and cafes exclusive to locals. You can spot which these are by the signs that say: ‘If you can read this, you are not welcome.’
service is with an upturned smile; water and cutlery are extra. At the end e of your meal, an old woman with one eye will appear offering o bunches of locally l grown Urtica dioica, d or stinging nettles, n to ward off o ill- fortune. If payment p is not forthcoming, fo help will w arrive in the shape s of her husband, h a former prize-fighter. p
RRT ROUSSOS
The kaftan capital of the Aegean, Roussos so demands of all its it inhabitants that they th don kaftans and Picture: REX eat too much on the first Thursday of every month.
IFPOSS
In homeR’s odyssey, the Isle of Ifposs is populated by the Prevaricators, who are doomed to never quite make up their minds.
When odysseus asks them if they want to have lunch with him the next day, they reply: ‘If poss.’ he then asks them if the day after would be more convenient, and they say: ‘Certainly. If poss.’
ROADS
The island with the best facilities for motorists, for ten years running Roads was named Greek Island of the Year by Top Gear magazine.
measuring just 500 yards long by 400 yards wide, it has a road that goes all the way round the coast, and 20 more roads connecting the coastal road to a central hub, which boasts the largest service station in europe.
A small patch of land the size of a tennis court remains home to the island’s only nature reserve, though there are currently plans to develop it into a much-needed multi-storey car park.