My mother made me fat by always insisting I cleared my dinner plate

Let’s be absolutely clear on what it is we’re talking about here. It’s fat — a word we’re told by experts in the field of obesity we should not use. We should, instead, say ‘Chronic Appetite Dysregulation’. What nonsense. We all know exactly what fat means whatever our age, and children are all too familiar with it. NHs figures show that more than one in ten children is overweight or obese by the time they start primary school. By the time they reach year six — between ten and 11 years old — the numbers have risen: 23.4 per cent are obese and 14.3 per cent are overweight, and that’s a crying shame.

every child in school knows what fat means and every child who is fat will suffer. Other children will tease them.

I, a formerly grossly obese woman, know exactly how hurtful the term can be. But we can’t shy away from it. It’s there in common parlance and fancy, novel names for it won’t be heard in the playground. ‘Fatty’ will.

I called the book I wrote about my struggle with my weight Fat Cow, Fat Chance. I had been called ‘fat cow’ in the street on numerous occasions. It was deeply hurtful to hear men call out ‘fat cow! I wouldn’t go there, would you?’

THe‘Fat Chance’ of the title referred to the opportunity to lose half my body weight as a result of drastic metabolic surgery. It was too late, in my early 60s, to get well again in any other way. that is not the case with small children.

this month findings from the University of Bath and the British Dietetic Association revealed your parents can make you fat. In some cases, the problem is simple. too much junk food is put on the table, often ordered from a takeaway.

too many hard-pressed parents have never learned to cook a healthy meal with the right balance of protein, vegetables and carbohydrate. It’s too easy to sit a child down with a burger and chips. You can even get the food delivered to your door. No exercise needed at all. there’s no help for parents from the Government, which seems determined to ignore the advice of its ex food tsar Henry Dimbleby to clamp down on junk food with a sugar and salt tax.

In my case it was not the food my mother produced that led to a lifetime of obesity. I was not a fat child. she was a wonderful cook who knew how to make a nutritious meal. she did, though, fit into the pattern demonstrated in the new research. she ruined my relationship with food.

Her portions were always extremely generous. As a small child I was full pretty quickly. I would say: ‘Mum, I’m full. I can’t eat any more.’ she invariably took it as a personal insult.

‘I’ve spent all morning cooking you that beautiful shepherd’s pie. You will finish it. I want to see a clean plate and if you don’t finish it now, you’ll have it this evening.’

I did my best to please her, forcing the food down. Consequently, my ability to listen to my appetite and stop when I was no longer hungry was ruined. Parents must learn not only to provide healthy food, but never too much of it.

My mother also fell into a trap highlighted by the new research, and now included in new national guidelines. she always thought she was fat — she wasn’t. she was constantly going on a diet.

I have no doubt her obsession with her weight had a devastating impact on me. I was always worried about how I looked. so began the pattern of diet, lose weight, eat normally again, put on more weight than I had before.

A classic example of a lifelong bad relationship with food.

so, yes, your parents can make you ‘fat’. And there’s no point trying to erase the word — this year it was taken out of all new editions of Roald Dahl’s children’s books. It’s a commonly used word which has real meaning.

We should, though, as parents be aware of the damage we can do through our own behaviour. We need to know that childhood obesity can lead to type 2 diabetes, a terrible disease, which can result in sight loss, stroke, kidney failure and loss of limbs.

the food industry could do better in reducing sugar and salt, and junk food should not be advertised to young people. But, in the end it’s a parent’s responsibility to buy healthy food.

It makes sense to talk to children, not about dieting or feeling miserable on a diet or trying to control your weight, but about improving your health. show them you enjoy exercise (which my mother always said she hated) and do it with them.

A scheme in sweden offers new parents counselling about nutrition and exercise, starting when the baby is eight months old. An early start can only be a good thing, but it’s never too late.

Just don’t wait till your child is in her 60s, you’re long gone and she has to learn a healthy relationship with food all by herself.