The coppers caught in a rom-com on the mean streets of Brighton . . .
Night Coppers ★★★★☆
NEVER mind the punch- ups, the drunks, the druggies, the body cam footage of chases and the breathless arrests. Night
Coppers (Ch4) isn’t true crime . . . it’s a rom-com.
If the new series doesn’t end in wedding bells, viewers are going to demand their money back. Patrol car duo Jack and Annie are perfect for each other and they know it — but one impossible obstacle is keeping them apart.
‘ Me and Jack, we’ve often thought we’re in love,’ PC Annie admits. She’s 27 and single, and when the pair of them aren’t breaking up street fights in Brighton on a Saturday night, they’re flirting like mad in the panda car.
After a man suspected of domestic assault tries to make a run for it, the lovebirds chase him down. later, catching his breath, PC Jack describes it as ‘unexpected midnight cardio’, and then protests the double entendre is accidental: ‘Definitely not that!’
The pair of them were laughing and blushing so hard, the inside of that car must have been like a sauna. ‘ People see us together and question, is there something going on there?’ Annie says. Jack agrees: ‘ She’s just one of those people who’s going to be my mate, hopefully, for a long time.’
But they can’t be a couple, Annie insists, because she’s been off boys since primary school. ‘That’s when I got my gay badge,’ she says.
Two good- looking bobbies, keeping the streets safe from dusk till dawn while trying to kid themselves their relationship is strictly platonic — what a surefire formula for a Hollywood hit. Call it Sleepless In Sussex.
Every romcom needs a ditzy best friend, and that role falls to PC Emily, just 5ft tall in her clodhoppers. Being small, she says, is an advantage: ‘People don’t see me as a threat. A lot of people will say to me, “Well, I would punch you in the face, but I won’t.”’
Her calmness when threatened by what she calls ‘macho brains when they’ve had a bit too much to drink’ is impressive. Throughout a long Saturday night shift, Emily and her colleagues shrug off abuse, and manage to be civil and helpful to people who deserve to have their ears boxed.
The yobs, alkies and idiots include a middle-aged football fan who celebrates Brighton’s FA Cup progress by hurling racial taunts at strangers until, inevitably, somebody decks him.
Around the corner, two brothers are drunkenly veering up and down in a hatchback, and another bunch are waving broken bottles. You’d like to think, when they sober up, they might watch this show and feel ashamed. The reality is they’re probably desperate to spot themselves, so they can brag on social media about what ‘legends’ they are.
But while these hard-working, highly trained officers are acting as zookeepers to the seaside animals, they aren’t investigating more serious crimes. One PC sighed, ‘ I just want to catch a burglar.’