Ephraim Hardcastle
JAM maker Meghan isn’t the only royal producer of preserves. Kate makes a mean chutney, a jar of which delighted the late Queen as a breakfast table Christmas present at Sandringham. Despite frequent requests for jars as charity donations, Kate graciously declined, maintaining the secret family recipe. That was until sister Pippa published the ingredients in a Diamond Jubilee book. Now anyone can make Granny Middleton’s marrow chutney.
FATHER Ted creator Graham Linehan is at war with Hat Trick’s boss Jimmy Mulville over a West End musical of the comedy. Linehan claims to have declined £200,000 from Mulville to have his name removed from any production. ‘For too long now, Mulville has been sitting on a musical that would be a surefire hit,’ says the apparently rehabilitated Graham. ‘He is doing this for no other reason than to please the gender cultists on his staff and in the wider, captured media landscape. It’s pathetic, cruel and cowardly. If he doesn’t want to make the show, he should get out of the way and let me do it.’
OLYMPIC swimmer Sharron Davies, 61, as fit as an aerobic flea, says she beats both her 25-year-old daughter and 17-year-old son at core exercises. Can she beat them at swimming? Sharron, pictured, doesn’t swim any more, explaining: ‘For me, it’s a busman’s holiday. I did 20 years of my life, six hours a day. It’s quite enough for anybody, really.’
ITN News At Ten pioneer Diana EdwardsJones, who has died aged 91, famously sacked permanently well refreshed newscaster Reginald Bosanquet after he mishandled the announcement of Elvis Presley’s death in 1977. He initially stated Elvis had died, then said he was in hospital. After the ad break, he confirmed the death. Could sozzled Reggie be responsible for the enduring rumour that Elvis lives, with regular sightings in Croydon wearing his Las Vegas jumpsuit? Bong!
RICH as Croesus from a musical and two movies of Mamma Mia!, Judy Craymer fails to provide a 50th birthday present for Victoria Beckham by explaining why the Spice Girls musical Viva Forever! was a comparative flop. ‘I think it was great,’ she says. ‘But it was unfairly beaten up. I don’t know why. I think there was probably slight prejudice towards the Spice Girls.’
DOMEHEADED SNP MP Patrick Grady submits a written question to the PM asking if he considers the International Criminal Court to be a foreign court. Rishi replies: ‘The clue is in the name.’ Doh.
DAME Joan Collins rages in The Spectator about the unnamed London restaurant-club chef who refused to cook her al dente asparagus softer. ‘Oh really?’ barks Joan. ‘It seems some chefs are displaying diva-like qualities beyond anything I’ve ever been accused of.’