First councils charge you to park outside your home, now Labour want to tax you for sitting in your own garden

OH, WHAT a lovely weekend, hottest temperatures of the year, at least until the heavens opened on Sunday in some parts. (that’ll be the climate change they keep banging on about.)

time to hose down the patio furniture, pop open a nice bottle of pinot noir and chuck some steaks on the barbie.

Or was that just me?

Nope, didn’t think so. For the first time this year, the sun had got his hat on and we were able to enjoy our back gardens. those of us who are lucky enough to have one, of course.

Better make the most of it while you can, though. this time next year, our early summer peace and quiet may be shattered by the sound of drones buzzing overhead.

Don’t panic. the Russians aren’t planning to launch a first strike against us just yet, despite Call Me Dave doing his level best to antagonise the Kremlin. For now, Putin is preoccupied with Ukraine.

and, fortunately, Iran’s rockets can’t reach London any time soon. then again, they probably don’t need to, what with tens of thousands of pro-hamas foot soldiers marching through the streets every weekend and occupying university campuses.

these particular drones will be homegrown. they are Labour’s eyes-in-the-sky and they’re heading your way.

already the Labour government in wales is deploying satellites to spy on homeowners suspected of having large gardens, so they can be hit with higher council tax bills.

who could have imagined when the welsh people voted half-heartedly for devolution that they would be subjected to Star wars- style snooping aimed at measuring their herbaceous borders?

AERIAL surveillance is just part of a widespread revaluation of property values designed to rake in more money. Council tax bands and rates are to be raised in line with ‘property wealth’.

Google earth and Street View technology will be used to assess the width and height of houses and gardens, checking for home improvements such as conservatories and loft extensions, so that owners can then be taxed accordingly. Ordnance Survey details and Land Registry files will be scoured to investigate ‘plot size’, purchase price and current value.

Families who live in areas considered to have good schools and with lower-thanaverage crime rates will also have to pay more, under plans drawn up by the toytown Senedd in Cardiff. Lovely, tidy, smashing.

wales is the test bed for similar revaluaspeed tion techniques which will be rolled out across the rest of Britain.

Labour’s shadow local government minister Jim McMahon is promising a UK-wide council tax revaluation programme. Naturally, however, this side of an election, Keir Starmer says Labour has ‘ no plans’ to extend the scheme.

But whenever any politician starts talking about having ‘ no plans’ it’s time to count the spoons. ‘ No plans’ always means they are almost certainly going to do it. Labour has declined categorically to rule it out.

Starmer is on record as saying the welsh government is a ‘blueprint’ for what Labour intends to do ‘across the UK’.

what, like a blanket 20mph limit, appalling educational outcomes and even longer waiting lists than the NhS in england? Can’t wait. anyway, this is exactly the kind of council tax revaluation which Labour intended to introduce the last time it was in office.

Under Gordon Brown, council taxes were set to go through the roof — quite literally in the case of loft extensions. In 2007, the then Labour government started recruiting an army of 4,000 Licensed home Inspectors with the powers to enter your property for valuation purposes.

they would be able to check whether you had installed a new kitchen or bathroom, and poke around in your airing cupboard to discover whether the lagging on your tank was up to snuff.

any and all improvements would add to your council tax bill. they were even planning to tax energy-saving double glazing and cavity wall insulation.

Granite worktop? Check. waste disposal? Check. whirlpool bath?

Power shower? Check, check. Got to be worth screwing them for an extra £500 a year at least.

Build an extension because you’ve got a growing family but can’t afford to move house? You’ll get clobbered anyway.

as in wales today, a largerthan-normal garden would also cost you more. So would Ground Force- style decking and an outdoor pizza oven. and double-glazing is back on the hit list, too.

the most outrageous plan was to slap higher taxes on those living in a quiet area with a ‘ pleasant view’, such as overlooking a park or a golf course.

that’ll teach the greedy, rich bastards.

Official guidelines instructed inspectors to record ‘convenience to local services, such as bus routes, shops and local communities’ and note ‘special benefits’ including ‘an enclosed garden, patio and conservatory’.

talk about the naked politics of resentment, a shameless moneygrab aimed at Semi-Detached Suburban Mr James and all those who have striven to build a better life for themselves.

It was a dagger to the heart of Middle england, drawn up in the days when it could be relied upon to vote tory.

what could be more anti-British than punishing people with a decent-sized garden?

Not that it would bother the wealthy Labour luvvies in Starmer’s fashionable inner London postcodes such as Camden and Islington, where even a £3 million terraced house comes with a postage stamp sized back yard and no ‘view’ worth taxing.

On a clear day, you can see the rough sleepers in the doorway of the local crack-house.

TLook out, Semi-Detached Suburban Mr James. They are coming for you

HIS outrageous tax raid and intrusion of privacy was stymied by the incoming Conservativeled coalition — but not before it was live- tested in Northern Ireland, where some people found they were facing council tax bills of up to £6,000 a year.

with a Labour landslide now in prospect, you can be guaranteed that the plans are being dusted off again. and this time, the technology is much further advanced. thanks to Google, every house in the country is now viewable on the internet.

who needs an army of inspectors trampling over back lawns with a theodolite and a tape measure. all they need to do now is scramble a 633 Squadron of drones equipped with hi-tech, hi-def cameras.

You might want to invest in an air rifle in case the drones get too close. Or, come to think of it, a ground-to-air missile launcher. Bandits at twelve o’clock!

Penalising people for improving their homes is right up there with the window tax, which was abolished in 1851. are we now going to see bricked-up conservatories, like 19th Century windows, as homeowners seek to avoid crippling tax bills?

Councils are already charging you a small fortune to park outside your own home, double if you drive a diesel. Now Labour wants to make you pay to sunbathe in your own back garden. If you thought that taxes were astronomical under the tories, b-b-baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet. as the Beatles once put it:

If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat,

If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat . . .

here comes the sun, and here comes the taxman. Vote Labour!