HAS MOVING IN TOGETHER RUINED SEX?

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend and I are both 22. We recently moved in together after finishing uni last summer.

We’ve been together for a couple of years and we used to have a brilliant sex life, but since we started living together it’s almost nonexistent. Shouldn’t sleeping in the same bed every night have the opposite effect?

We used to do it several times a week, but now it’s once a week if I’m lucky. She doesn’t seem that bothered any more. I know it shouldn’t be all about sex, but at our age surely it’s a major part of it?

Has moving in together ruined it?

Coleen says

Well, maybe she’s got a little bit too comfortable now you’ve made that commitment. However, it doesn’t matter how old (or young) you are, you still have to make an effort for each other.

During my first serious relationship, I fell into the trap of thinking I didn’t have to bother making an effort any more, so I learnt that lesson early on.

Look, if you’re mature enough to set up home together, you should be mature enough to have a discussion about sex. Tell your girlfriend you’re worried that it’s almost nonexistent after living together for a short time.

As long as you say it in the right way (ie, don’t make her defensive by blaming her), then you should be able to have a grown-up discussion about how to tackle it.

But make sure you talk about it now – the longer you leave it, the harder it’ll be to confront and it’ll be harder to come back from too.