Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
BY PAUL O’GRADY
Here are some nice big ones...(classic double entendres, that is)
Horne:
There’s no substitute for cold steel... they DON’T LIKE IT UP ‘EM. Normandy. weak man. Has she been chaste?” All over I was once a
Once a week is enough for any man.
Excuse me miss, tell me, do you plan to do anything special on the next Bank Holiday?
Yes, my boyfriend and I plan to go potholing together. Oh, you mean exploring underground caves?
Yes. So you actually enjoy groping around together in all the mud? Well, it looks as though you and your boyfriend are in for a really dirty weekend.
Ooh, you are awful, but I like you!
Don’t mention Malaga to Julian, he got very badly stung. war? Portuguese man o’ Well I never saw him in uniform…
Oh, she’s very embittered, you know.
Very embittered. You’ve seen the ring she had on? Well, allegedly, that was given to her by her fiancé when she was eighteen, and he jilted her, and she hasn’t had it off since! Poor dear!
Humphrey Lyttelton on the show’s fictional scorer Samantha meeting a builder: “She was pleased to see his tender won, but was startled when it suddenly grew to twice its size.”
A fireman had to climb out of my bedroom window and risk his life on a narrow ledge trying to grab hold of my pussy.
Love is like snow... You don’t know if it’s going to stick. And you never know how many inches you’re going to get.